


What a Wicked Thing to Do

by MyParamour



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s Setting, Death Eaters, Evan Rosier - Freeform, F/M, Hogwarts Setting, It should mostly follow lore but there will be some changes, James Potter - Freeform, Lily Potter - Freeform, POV Original Character, POV Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew - Freeform, Regulus Black - Freeform, Remus is a Prefect even though I know he wasn't actually one, Severus Snape - Freeform, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-23 20:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17690396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyParamour/pseuds/MyParamour
Summary: Mira Gray was in her seventh year when she finally realized that Sirius Black had taken an interest in her. The only problem was she couldn't let herself feel the same. Not again. Set in the Marauder-era and rated M for future chapters.**this story was originally started on fanfiction.net





	1. Chapter 1

She had seen him. Of course she had. After all, what girl hadn't noticed him? When they were eleven he was cute and sweet, possibly down right adorable. And as the years passed that adorableness had adjusted into what most would call handsome. And although she hadn't told anyone, sometimes when she looked at him the only word that came to mind was "beautiful."

Maybe that was better. That's really what he was. His lips were full for a man and he had a strong nose which paired perfectly with his defined jaw, making him appear slightly older than the other seventeen year old boys she'd met. His hair was dark and often fell into his face but that did nothing to detract from his appeal. If anything, it added to it. That, mixed with the fact that he always seemed to have something off about his uniform, made his look seem effortless, a fact that she had heard was incredibly frustrating to other boys in the school. Jealousy, it seemed, was rampant within the male population, despite the fact that any boy she spoke with usually seemed to have quite the high opinion of himself.

When she first began liking boys she started to see him in a different light. At the time she didn't know why her eyes would linger on him and not the other boys but as soon as she came to a certain age her fascination with his looks really made sense to her. She'd constantly wished that she'd had the guts to walk up to him and start a conversation, but the closest she'd really gotten was the previous year, when by chance she ended up paired in potions with one of his best friends. Remus and him spoke often during class but most of the time they didn't involve her in the conversation. But at the time that was enough. She thought it would sound depressing if she ever told anyone but she found she was quite content just listening to him speak. She was reticent to part with the knowledge that she loved hearing his voice. 

During the previous school year she had wanted to rejoice when he voluntarily helped her gather some books that had been knocked from her person. She hadn't realized it was him at first until she saw his eyes. They were grey and deep and if she hadn't been so focused on not becoming flustered she could have gotten lost in them.

"Thank you."

She just about frowned when he said nothing in response but by the look on his face he seemed as if he was having difficulty speaking. She'd wished she had been the reason for that but she gathered he was distracted by something else. Still, the thought made her smile and not wanting to risk making a fool of herself she stepped away from him quickly, leaving him where he was standing.

She watched him sometimes during meals. He was loud and mischievous, always chatting with his small group of friends, constantly smiling. She wanted to know what they talked about. What his interests were. What he looked for in a girl.

For a while after that she entertained the idea of maybe asking him out, or at least seeing if he might like to spend a bit of time with her. But she chickened out. She always did.

The last time she took a risk on love it turned out dreadfully and she felt like such a fool. She didn't want to risk that again. Not with someone that she knew she would fall completely in love with, faster than she could turn her head. She just couldn't.

Over the summer she'd made up her mind. She couldn't risk getting hurt. Not again. Not like that.

But what did it matter anyways. He'd never even spared so much as a second look at her.

 

* * *

 

 

He had noticed her. He'd always noticed her. Ever since third year when he really started to notice girls for the first time. Most of them seemed the same. Different hair colour, maybe different body types, but they all seemed the same. Except for her. She stood out. At first he couldn't quite put his finger on it, he couldn't tell what it was about her that made her stand out so much to him.

She was quiet, usually kept to herself unless she was with her friends in the great hall. He'd hardly said two words to her since they'd both started at Hogwarts six years before. It's not that he'd never wanted to, but there was something about her that made him terribly tongue-tied. It took him years to figure out what exactly it was that made him unsure of himself when he was around her. At first he thought maybe it was the coldness that she gave off, but after meeting another girl named Marissa who he'd had a fling with in fifth year who gave off the same attitude, he knew that couldn't be it.

It wasn't until the beginning of sixth year that he finally realized what it was. Someone had run into her at the bottom of the astronomy tower, knocking her books all around her, leaving without so much as an apology. She didn't even get angry, she just gave a little sigh and bent down, reaching for them. Without even thinking about it he joined her on the floor, grabbing her textbook for Muggle Studies into his hands and held it out to her, waiting.

She saw the book first, then the hands, then the person who was holding it. He couldn't be certain but he thought he saw her breath hitch as she looked at his face. Or maybe that was just his.

He couldn't believe that it had taken him years of knowing about this girl to realize her eyes. They'd shared almost every class together since they were eleven years old and not once had he ever looked at her so closely. He felt like an idiot, it was incredibly obvious.

Her left eye was a deep blue while her right was amber and bright. He'd never seen anything like that before. That had to be it. He found himself staring at her, looking from one to the other before she reached out and grabbed the book, accidentally running her fingers along his before pulling back.

"Thank you."

He couldn't even so much as utter a simple "you're welcome," back to her, his fingers tingling from where they had touched. That was new.

She looked at him expectantly before a piece of hair fell into her face and he struggled with the urge to push it back for her. She stood up and watched him stay on the floor for a few more moments before he returned to his proper form and nodded. He'd really wanted to come up with something else to say, to give her some reason to stay and talk to him but nothing came to mind.

She clutched her books to her chest and bit her bottom lip, trying to stifle a smile before she walked away from him, but he saw it. And every day after that he tried to catch a glimpse of her, hoping to see it again.

He hadn't told anyone but the way her smile lit up her face was breathtaking. It completely changed her demeanor and he found himself hoping to see it every day.

His friends had, at some point, noticed that he kept a close eye on a certain girl who sat not far down the Gryffindor table, and just so happened to be paired with Remus during potions, but they had all decided not to say anything to him. It wasn't like him to be this obsessed with stealing little glances at a pretty girl and they thought it best to leave it.

He couldn't leave it though. It got the point where he thought about her all the time, whether consciously or subconsciously, she was always there, her image at the back of his mind while attempting to concentrate on his school work - not that he did that too often, regardless. He couldn't help himself. He started talking to Remus more and more during classes, hoping that either she would insert herself into the conversation or perhaps he would find a way to include her. He desperately clutched at any idea of how to break the ice with her but he always froze, something he found to be extremely frustrating.

He'd never experienced this before. He could talk to any other girl in the school, whether she had been older or younger than him, it didn't matter. He knew what his charms were and he used them to a "t" to make any girl he had wanted at the time fall for him. It was easy. So why was this so hard for him?

By the time the start of their seventh and final year rolled round he'd mind up his mind. He was going to talk to her and he was going to get to know her, hopefully in more ways than one.

Now all he had to do was gather his nerve.


	2. Chapter 2

She was early. She usually was. Recently she'd noticed that rather than chat with her friends in the morning before classes like she used to, she preferred to be on her own.

She wasn't positive as to the reason but if she had to guess she assumed it had something to do with _that thing_ that just so happened to be the reason for the foul mood she'd had for the past year and a half. She had tried to rid herself of it, pretend that it wasn't there, but so far it was no use.

Her friends were well aware that her attitude had abruptly changed but at the time she had refused to tell them the reason why. They had asked her time and again, wanting to figure out some way to make her feel better or at least get whatever it was off her chest but she just couldn't. Before the end of their sixth year they'd finally stopped asking, for which she was very grateful.

A part of them still wanted to know, wanted to help her, but at the same time they didn't want to push it and they were worried that if they pried she'd only end up resenting them for it. They couldn't let that happen. So instead, recently they'd attempted to distract her. And they'd thought, momentarily, over the summer that it had maybe worked. But it was short-lived, and she knew they were hoping that whatever it was she would get over it soon; after all, this was their seventh year, and they couldn't have her squandering it. Hell, even she didn't want that. She just wanted to move on and hated the fact that it was taking so very long for her to do so.

She frowned as she walked through the door to Slughorn's classroom, realizing that the tables had been rearranged in order to accommodate four students to a table instead of two. She had every intention of pairing with Remus again. She'd always liked him and found him very easy to talk to. He never asked questions and she considered him to be just as secretive as she was; she liked that. It felt nice that someone else had walls up, just like she did. He understood her and never tried to force anything out of her that she didn't want to share. Not to mention that they'd discovered they worked incredibly well together.

In thinking about Sirius she wished sometimes that she could've been attracted to Remus instead. It would be so much easier if she had been. Remus would be kind to her inhibitions and not mock her for them. He was on the quiet side - like her - and she found that comforting. But Sirius was different.

He was loud and charismatic and everything that made her extremely nervous. She didn't like attention being drawn to herself. She wasn't sure why but whenever people really took notice of her she felt herself caving inward and she'd become uncomfortable. She had an inkling she'd feel that way all the time if she ever did get a chance to go out with him. She didn't think that was something she was prepared for.

The classroom door burst open and three quarters of the Marauders waltzed in, smiles on their faces. She cocked her head to the side and her eyes betrayed her current thoughts as they ran over Black's physique. She tore her gaze away from him and reached into her bag, pulling out her textbook, trying her best to not look back at him.

Out of her peripheral she saw someone sit into the seat next to her, his sandy hair giving his identity away.

"Hey."

She looked up from the table but not before she noticed a little nook in the side, her finger automatically darting out to touch it. "Hi." She felt the small divot in between the tips of her digits and for some reason she found comfort in the imperfection. She swallowed before looking back at him. "How was your summer?"

He nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "It was good... how was yours?" He pulled a bit of a face after he asked her the question; he too had noticed that her attitude had changed and as soon as the words were out of his mouth he had the idea that maybe it was more of a rhetorical question than anything. _Of course it was bad_ , he thought, he was positive on that.

She could see it written all over his face, she knew what he was thinking, but she ignored it, and tried her hand at a genuine smile. "It was fine, thanks." She wasn't sure if it worked.

She looked to her left and saw the object of her affection taking a seat beside her, James sitting in between him and Remus. Sirius coughed as he placed his bag onto the table, "hope you don't mind."

Of course she didn't mind. Her little crushed heart leapt in her chest and she tried her best to quell the sudden rush of nerves that fell to her stomach. "I don't."

He smiled and gave a little laugh before leaning forward onto the table, tapping his finger on the cauldron. "So uh... what do you reckon the first potion Slughorn has us make is?" The question was directed at all of them, she knew, but he kept his eyes trained on her the whole time, making her a bit uncomfortable. It didn't happen often but whenever he gave her his full attention her mind blanked and she could never think of anything clever to say.

She bit her bottom lip and shrugged, looking across the table at James and then to her right, at Remus. Neither of them answered and she became aware of the fact that he was still looking at her, waiting for some sort of a response.

Her hand fell from the rut in the side of the wooden table and onto her lap. "I don't know... but I heard someone mention he's on a kick about felix felicis. Maybe that?"

His eyebrows perked up at her response and he sat back in his seat. "Liquid luck? I could use some of that."

She wanted to ask him what exactly Sirius Black, the best looking guy in school, needed with liquid luck but she didn't get her chance as the rest of the class filed in, along with Slughorn trailing behind them.

It took about twenty minutes before she realized that there was no way in hell she'd actually be able to concentrate if Sirius continued to look at her like  _that_. She touched her hand to the back of her hair, thinking that maybe she had a piece sticking out or something but when her hand connected with her head she realized that couldn't have been it.

She'd skipped breakfast, so she knew she had nothing on her face and she always diligently did her makeup before going down to classes so she knew it couldn't have been that either. She almost started to get a bit paranoid at the fact that his eyes kept veering back to her until she noticed James shoot him a look and he abruptly stopped.

She looked in between them, wondering what she had missed or why James had looked at Sirius that way but she decided to forget it and just think about the fact that Slughorn had actually assigned felix felicis to them and she hoped it wouldn't be as hard or arduous to make as it sounded.

She saw Remus' mouth open as he looked at her and she waited for him to ask if she wanted to be his partner again before James practically yelled in his face that he wanted to work on the potion with Remus.

His action startled her and she couldn't help but give a laugh at the look on Remus' face at the sound of James screaming into his ear. He touched his hand to his head, an involuntary action demonstrating that the boom of his outburst had actually hurt. "Yeah, okay. If you want to that badly, Prongs."

She'd been meaning to ask him why they had such funny nicknames for one another.

She looked to Sirius as he squirmed a bit in his seat when his eyes locked with hers and her stupid heard thudded against her ribcage, much to her dismay. "Mira..."

"Did you want to be my partner, Sirius?"

He had an anxious expression on his face and he tucked a bit of his hair back behind his hear, "yeah."

She breathed deeply, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling that threatened to take over at spending the next six months with Sirius. Alone. Working on a potion. Alone. Maybe in his bedroom. Alone.

"Great. Did you want to get started tomorrow? I could maybe meet you in the common room after dinner or the library or -"

"Common room sounds good."

"Okay." Her mouth felt dry and her tongue darted out to lick it before she reached her hand up and ran her finger along her bottom lip. She noticed Sirius watching her intently as Slughorn signaled that class was over and she quickly grabbed her book, stuffing it into her bag and slipped off the stool. "Okay. I'll see you later, then, Sirius."

She gave James and Remus a little wave before spinning around and walking out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

He watched as she took her thumb in her mouth and gently bit down on it. She was looking across the table at her friend whose name he had currently forgotten. By the looks of it she didn't seem that interested in whatever was being said to her. She looked away and turned her gaze almost towards him, but stopped short. Instead, her eyes appeared to have landed on the Ravenclaw table.

He followed her gaze for a moment, a pang of jealousy coming over him before realizing that she wasn't looking at anyone in particular, but rather, just in a general direction.

"Why do you think she's sad?"

James stopped mid-sentence, hands pre-raised in order to make some sort of crude gesture along with his story, and looked to Sirius. "What are you on about?"

He answered the question but kept his eyes on her. "Mira." He heard more than one groan emit from his friends and he scowled. Just yesterday James had helped him out and partnered with Remus so that he could work with her, and now he was being a dick about it.

Remus shifted next to him, resting his elbows onto the table and leaning forward. "I don't know, mate. And to be honest, it's not really any of your business, is it?"

A sudden urge to yell at him came to mind but he contained himself, not wanting to make his friends angry at him when they really didn't need to be. He took a deep breath and brushed his hair behind his ears, "why so hostile?"

"I don't know. She's just a really nice girl, Pads, and there's obviously something going on there. And you and I, hell, the whole bloody school knows that when it comes to girls, you're not exactly the gentle type. She really doesn't deserve to be screwed with right now."

"Why do you think I would do that?"

"Because that's what you do."

He frowned, not liking what was said about him but knowing it for a fact to be true. He had done that. Numerous times. He liked that it was so easy to get girls to want to be with him and he would admit that sometimes he used that to his advantage which might have also sometimes, on more than one occasion, lead to certain sections of the female population to be rather upset - but this was different and they just didn't get that.

He looked back to her and thought maybe Remus was right. But then her eyes landed on him and her mouth twitched, pulling into a small smile and he felt a rush of excitement run straight to his most prized appendage.

Or maybe he's wrong. Very wrong. 

She turned her head but kept her eyes on him and she mouthed something to her friends before she stood up and began walking towards the door. He didn't hesitate as he practically burst out of his seat, his cloak catching on the bench, almost causing him to fall down before regaining his balance and holding a hand out to his friends to signal that he was leaving. "Mira!"

He caught up with her at the end of the hall where she turned around, leaning against the wall. "Is someone dying?"

"What?" She let out a little laugh and his ego praised himself.

"You know, usually when someone chases after me like that it's because something's wrong... did Peter choke on his food again? Because you know there's always a spell to sort that out."

He let out an awkward laugh, really not expecting her to make a joke considering in the six years they'd known each other he'd never once heard her utter one, and leaned against the wall beside her, his body turned towards hers. "No, Peter's fine."

He was surprised when he noticed that her breathing picked up slightly before she turned to face him, taking a step inward. "What do you want, Sirius?"

His mind instantly turned to all of the dirty things he dreamed of doing to her and he was thankful their robes were tailored to be loose-fitting. "I..." He shook his face, hoping the naughty images would leave for his sake. "I just thought we could get started early."

"Okay."

She spun on her heels and started walking to the common room without waiting for him. Her perfume flitted to his nostrils and he held in a groan at his body's response.

"Are you coming?"

He walked forward and approached her and for some reason the ten steps it took seemed to take forever and the time around him slowed. He was momentarily lost in her features and those penetrating eyes of hers seemed to stand out even more than they did before. Her dark hair hung loose and fell to the bottom of her breast and he tried not to let his eyes fall for fear she'd think he only wanted to get her alone for a good shag.

When he reached her she smiled, again, and he had the sudden urge to melt into a puddle but instead kept his head up and walked beside her, down the hall, and through the portrait. Maybe he was imaging it but there was even something about the way that she walked. He knew he was in over his head when he made the realization that he thought she walked gracefully - a thought that had never occurred to him about anyone before. He felt a bit ridiculous. He'd never heard anyone else talk about how the girl they were into walked like an angel but he'd just had that thought and he couldn't ignore how he felt.

She stood in front of the fire place and it seemed strange to him that it wasn't lit. "I thought that thing was always going."

She looked back at him and didn't smile but she held her hand out in the direction of the fire place. "It's okay."

There was a spark, a small ember and then without any build up the fire was roaring. His eyes connected with hers and he smirked at the idea that maybe she had more mischief inside of her than he'd ever hoped to give her credit for.

There was a slight hue that clung to the side of her face from the flames and he wanted to reach out and touch her, tell her just how beautiful she was and it was a real shame that she didn't smile as much as she should. He didn't want to scare her off though, and he knew that he had the next six months worth of guaranteed visits to turn their status of casual acquaintances into something far more worthy and life-changing.

"Impressive. Even I can't do that."

She moved from her place and sat down on the arm of the sofa, closest to where he was standing. "I know."

She knew? He felt like her response only had to do with the fact that he couldn't light a fire without his wand but the tone that she said it in made it seem like she was insinuating that she knew something else. He decided to go with the latter.

"Exactly how much do you know about me?"

She pursed her lips and crossed her legs, his eyes momentarily drawn to her thighs as her skirt brushed over them. She shrugged, "that depends. How much do you know about me?"

A look of desire flickered across her face and he wanted to rejoice and lunge for her but before he had a chance to act on it, it was gone. She'd put whatever mask she kept close back on and didn't allow him to see through it.

"Not nearly enough."


	3. Chapter 3

She leaned her head back on the arm of the sofa, letting the warmth of the fire run along her face. She sighed with relief as she turned her gaze to her finished Charms essay resting on the table. It had taken her hours to complete and she would have much rather spent her time getting lost in a good book rather than frantically attempting to finish the worst assignment she'd decided they'd ever been given.

She closed her eyes as a wave of sleepiness came over her. The last two weeks had been surprisingly more tiring than she had anticipated when the term had just begun. Of course she had known that your seventh year at Hogwarts was by far the hardest but she hadn't thought the workload would be so brutal so early on. Not to mention she had experienced a few late nights recently.

She allowed her mind to wander to images of the incredibly handsome Sirius Black. She frowned, knowing that it was only a few months ago she had decided to swear off boys until she was at least finished school. Even thinking about getting involved with him could be quite damaging to her, she knew, but it was hard to just ignore him completely - especially considering she had spent exactly three nights alone with him, discussing the best way to work on their potion together. At first he was the perfect gentleman, which she was thankful for, and their only conversations consisted of pertinent points in relation to the task at hand. Although, there had been a handful of moments when she'd had to bite her tongue in order to stop herself from saying something stupid, or accidentally making him think that she was looking for something more to come out of their time spent together.

Not that he hadn't tried to flirt with her regardless. He was good - she had to give him that. She had said a few things that in no way were meant to be a taken as a double entendre but he had found a way to expose it and every time she felt the unmistakable pang in her stomach because of it. A part of her really didn't like the smirk that he always made whenever he made a remotely sexual comment towards her because it made her really feel something in her gut and she couldn't afford to feel something towards him. She couldn't. But at the same time she couldn't always control how her body reacted when he would try to get through to her. She really loathed her teenage body sometimes. She just wanted it to listen to her head but it seemed to really have a mind of its own which apparently didn't have an agenda that was at all similar to the one she had planned on keeping.

The feeling was somewhat fleeting, however, as she firmly had her foot down when it came to  _actually_ doing anything about it. She most definitely would not let it go any further than simple flirting. She wouldn't.

Her decision did not, however, diminish her desire to let her eyes linger on his form whenever he was within checking-out distance; that was something that she simply could not stop doing. Not that she really wanted to. After all, his outward appearance was incredibly appealing to her. If she were to actively look for someone to shag it would be best for her instinctual womanly needs if she could do shag a person that looked like him. After all, she had always had a thing for guys with dark hair and in her opinion, sometimes longer was better. Not that his was too long - it really wasn't. To her, the fact that it was long enough for him to tuck behind his ears but it didn't yet skim his shoulders was perfect. She had, in fact, had an incredibly satisfying dream a few nights previous which involved her running her hands through his hair as she pushed his head down to the junction of her thighs.

But that had been all she'd fantasized about him. And she would attempt to not let herself do that again. At least she hoped. When it came to hot guys she usually found herself giving in. But this time she would try harder. She was older now, and smarter, and knew what was best for her. She could do it this time. She wouldn't let herself go through something else like she had with Evan.

She shook her head, refusing to let herself think about him. She thought it would be easier now that he had graduated and wouldn't be coming back to Hogwarts, leaving her behind. But too many things reminded her of him. She hated it. How could she still let herself have residual feelings for a guy that was so horrible to her? She thought she was pathetic.

She inhaled a deep breath before breathing out, hard, just as the sound of numerous footsteps running down the stairs came to her ears. She quickly moved from her place on the sofa, reaching out to pick up her essay in the hopes that she could make a quick getaway from whoever it was. She just wanted to be alone right now.

As she reached down for her bag it slipped from her grasp, taking down her ink as it fell, spilling it onto the carpet beneath the table. "Oh, shit."

"I didn't take you for a swearer."

She whipped her head back to where the voice had come from and she saw Sirius standing there along with his three friends. She didn't respond and instead bent over, reaching into the bottom of her pack and pulled out her wand, pointing it at the offending black stain, seeping further into the fabric. "Scourgify." She watched as it slowly began to disappear and one corner of her mouth pulled upward, pleased that she didn't leave a permanent mark on what she thought was a very pretty Persian rug.

She stood up, wand and pack in hand and began to walk towards them. "Do you mind?"

"Mind what?"

She pointed towards the staircase, "I just want to go upstairs. You're kind of blocking my way."

"Sure, sorry." He looked disappointed for a second before he moved aside, his friends following suit. She went to move past him but his hand grabbed her wrist, stopping her. "Gray?"

She turned around and when her eyes looked down at his grip she felt a jolt in the pit of her stomach before forcing herself to look away, her sight landing on his face which made an even larger jolt hit her. She swallowed, "Mhm?"

He took a step forward towards her, his hand letting go but he allowed his fingertips to graze her wrist bone. "We were gonna wander around the grounds. Did you maybe want to come with?"

She should say no. She should definitely say no. This was exactly the kind of thing she had decided to stay away from. Spending time with him when it didn't involve working on their felix felicis potion would inevitably lead her to feeling something more than just a physical attraction.  _Say no!_

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

 

She left a moment later, telling him that she just needed a few minutes to change her clothes and put her things away. He nodded, not being able to say anything else to her, too pleased that she had agreed to come. Before he came downstairs with his friends he hadn't intended on asking her to come with them. But then he saw her sitting there and hearing her swear was too damn charming and he couldn't help himself. He just had to ask her. He moved to the couch, sitting down on the armrest, looking towards his friends. "What?"

Remus moved back, leaning against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "No, nothing."

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I said we'd work on our next prank tonight but then I saw her and I wanted to spend time with her."

James smiled, "uh huh. Because you haven't spent more than a couple of nights with her already, right Pads?"

His eyes flicked to Peter as he nodded in agreement and he wanted to smack him. It's not that he wasn't fond of Peter, he was. They all were. But it was annoying how much he followed James around and idolized practically every single word that came out of his best friend's mouth. He shook his head, "That's different! That was for Slughorn... this is for me."

"For you? Why don't you just shag her right now and get it over with? Then you can stop talking about her all the bloody time."

He knew it was his own fault that his friends were responding this way. Most of the time when he liked someone it was only in a physical sense so what reason did they have to believe that what was going on this time was any different? "I'm not just gonna shag her."

"Why not? Don't think she'd let you?"

Remus let out a small chuckle and three sets of eyes landed on him. "I don't think she's like that, Prongs. Seems a bit more respectable than that."

"That's too bad. I was hoping I wouldn't have to keep hearing Sirius getting off thinking about her every night."

He hopped up and moved forward with every intention of giving James a hard smack on the back of his head and reiterating the fact that he had yet to get Lily to agree to go out with him too so who was he to talk, but before he could he saw Mira turn the corner down the stairs. She had changed out of her uniform and his eyes unabashedly roamed over her frame. Her shirt was white and slightly see-through, allowing him to see the tiny waist that he wasn't aware was there, and then he looked down slightly and saw her chunky brown belt that she'd slid through the loops in her jeans which, if he did say so himself, fit her extremely well.

"Sirius."

He pulled his eyes from her and looked towards James. He didn't say anything to him but gave him a look that silently told him to stop being so damn obvious before he turned his head back to Mira. "Ready?"

She bit her lip and he wondered if he'd made her feel uncomfortable before she stopped and stepped towards him. "Ready."

Had he been alone with her he might have chanced taking her hand but he decided that in the end, whether she responded or not, that would only result in more egging from his friends - something he wasn't keen on enduring again.

He really wasn't used to this. He liked how it always was before: Girl likes Sirius. Girl attempts to shag Sirius which he sometimes agrees to do if he at least sort of fancies them. Sirius and girl don't start a relationship. That was good. That was, quite frankly, an ideal situation for him. It was fun and easy and it held up his current reputation and notoriety with the other students. It was really simple.

But then he had to have his epiphany when it came to how he felt about Mira and it was all shot. For a while he had refused to sleep with anyone, feeling, somehow, that by sleeping with them it was now wrong because who he really wanted to sleep with was  _her,_  but then he couldn't take it anymore and found some no-named girl from Ravenclaw to spend one night with in an attempt to get her out of his head. Even that didn't work - it only made things worse since he had really ended up just fantasizing about what it would be like to have Mira be the girl writhing beneath him.

Of course, she didn't know that that had occurred. How could she? He hadn't given her any indication that he thought about her all the time and desperately wanted a chance to be with her. Hell, he could barely even form two words to say to her when she was around. He'd thought about it all in his head. What he wanted to say, how he was going to use his charms on her and show her just how likable he really was. After all, he was Sirius Black! Sirius Black from the Most Noble and Ancient House of aforementioned last name. This should be easy for him. Usually, if he had nothing else he always had his name (which he hated) to fall back on but apparently when it came to a certain girl even that no longer mattered. It was infuriating, but at the same time, incredibly exciting.

Based on his previous escapades, and this was kept completely secret from anyone else, he had worried that he wasn't capable of feeling more than lust for a person. It was something he had thought a lot about, actually, until that time at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower when he looked into her eyes. Looking at her now as she walked towards the Black Lake with him and his friends he wanted to tell her just how he felt, but once again, was too afraid to scare her off. This was the closest that he'd ever gotten to her and he didn't want to risk having her run away from him.

He also didn't want to be seen as creepy. That would be very bad indeed.

For a while the five of them sat in a circle and chatted about nothing in particular. She didn't say too much, not that anyone had expected her to, but what she did say was usually quite clever - something that made him smile. A part of him didn't understand how his friends didn't feel the same way about her that he did (not that he wanted to have competition). She was beautiful and smart and apparently funny and it seemed insane to him that she didn't have boys fawning over her all the time. Well,  _he_  was fawning over her all the time. But regardless of the way he felt about her he wanted his friends to like and accept her, just in case he did actually succeed in winning her over.

He was relieved to finally have her alone when his friends decided to bugger off, leaving the two of them to continue their conversation. He watched as she leaned back, laying down on the grass and closing her eyes. He wished that he had already gotten to know her better for he really, really wanted to just lean in and kiss her. Instead, he thought he would play it safe and laid down beside her, his hands behind his head and his feet crossed.

He turned his head to look at her and again felt like a right idiot due to the fact that all of these insanely romantic thoughts about how pretty she looked came to mind. But then she opened her eyes again and rolled onto her side, facing him, and his breathing practically stopped.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What the hell is up with all of your nicknames for each other?"

He laughed and gave a wide grin, "that's your question?"

She ran her tongue over her lips and he could tell she was trying to suppress a smile of her own. "Did you think I was going to ask something dirty?"

He shrugged, "I can hope, can't I?" She breathed out and looked down at the grass, running her hand over the ground before pulling a few pieces out. He didn't know why but she seemed to shy away from conversations when they would start to turn in a certain direction. He had already concluded that it wasn't because she didn't want to have these conversations considering it had happened more than a few times since they'd become potions partners and she seemed to enjoy it, but for whatever reason she always stopped herself and wouldn't let it progress the way that he wanted it to. He wanted to know why she was restricting herself but he decided to just drop it and ask her another time when she was more comfortable with him.

"There's a good explanation for those names."

She moved her eyes back from the now-dead pieces of grass and looked down at him. "Which is?"

"...I can't tell you."

She furrowed her brows and shifted her position, slightly, as she rested her elbow on the ground and her head in her hand. "Is this one of those, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you" things?"

He felt her eyes on him as he lifted his hand up, running it through his hair. "It might be."

"Are you sure? You don't really seem like the killing type."

He laughed, again. He thought it was funny she would think that about him, whether in jest or not. A lot of people were afraid and intimidated by him because of his name. He knew a lot of people thought he _did_ seem like the killing type.

"Well, I wouldn't actually kill you. I just can't tell you."

She paused and looked upwards towards the sky where the half moon was threatening to climb above the trees. "Does it have something to do with what James very lovingly calls Remus' "furry little problem"?"

He froze. She knew. Did she know? What happens if she knows?

When he looked to her she seemed worried and her expression quite accurately reflected how he was feeling on the inside. "What do you know about that?"

She swallowed and took a breath. Her eyes stayed locked on his and if he hadn't been having this particular conversation he would've been thrilled that she was staring at him so intently. "Enough... Look, I just want you to know that I would never, ever tell anyone about it. I like Remus, I really do. I wouldn't do that to him."

He moved and mirrored her own position on the ground. "How long have you known?"

"Four years."

If you asked him now the only word he could think that properly described how he felt at that moment was gobsmacked. "You've known for four years?" She nodded. "And you haven't told anyone?" She nodded again. "...how did you -"

She laughed, a sound that momentarily pulled him away from their current conversation. "I know I don't say much but I'm more observant than I'm given credit for, Sirius... So will you tell me now?"

He didn't even hesitate. He probably should have. Just because she knew about what Remus was didn't having any bearing on whether or not she would say anything about what him, James and Peter had done. But he didn't even think about it.

She smiled, and even if the next words out of her mouth had been, "I'm telling Dumbledore, you crazy animal and you're going to Azkaban!" he thought he wouldn't even care. Her smile was genuine and he was immensely pleased he had been the one to cause it.

"You're amazing, you know."

He felt a rush run through his chest and down to his groin. "I'm what?"

"You heard me." She reached her hand out and touched his chest. "The three of you must really love him. I don't think I have anyone that would do something like that for me."

The words "I would" popped into his head but he shooed them away, instead attempting to have a bit more tact. "I'm sure that's not true."

She looked at him again and the urge to lean forward and press his mouth to hers was getting increasingly stronger. He knew that if she didn't move away in a few seconds he was going to have to go for it despite his head screaming "no!" at him.

Apparently her mind could read his because before he could do anything she sat up. "I should go."

She didn't let him say anything before she jumped up and began walking back towards the castle, leaving him on the ground by the lake.

"Oh, and by the way..." He moved and turned around as he stood, looking towards her. "... I won't tell anyone about anything, Padfoot." She smirked at her use of his nickname, a look both him and his groin quite enjoyed, before she turned back around and jogged towards the castle.


	4. Chapter 4

A lot of people always assumed that she must be sad because of the life that she has when she goes back home. They couldn't be more wrong, however. She grew up as the second child out of two and had her pupils put more thought into it they might have remembered that her brother attended Hogwarts in the same overlapping time period as she did, although not for very long; he was in his sixth year when she started and by the time he graduated she was only 12 years old. But if they had  _really_  thought about it they would remember that he was always incredibly kind to her. He would eat his meals with her every day, even if that meant he sometimes had to eat with her annoying little friends. He would help her with her homework all the time when she needed it and would always help her find her way around the grounds. He was ridiculously protective of her and she was very, very happy. They both were. But that seemed like ages ago and everyone had seemed to forget that she wasn't an only child.

But she never had a period of unhappiness when it came to her family. She always felt more than loved, contented and supported. They never stifled her at all, even when she expressed an interest at a very young age at knowing all there was to know about the way that muggles lived and what their houses were like. Did they make their bed the same way she made hers? Did they wear the same kind of clothes she did?

While her older brother was taught by their mother before the age of 11, Mira Gray had insisted that she go to a regular muggle elementary school and to her immense delight, her parents enrolled her in one at the age of five. She was thrilled that they'd consented (and also very pleased with her ability to persuade her parents at the tender age of 4, right before her birthday). Every day she got to be just another normal little schoolgirl with regular, non-magical friends and teachers and learn about what most of the world considered to be reality. It was fun keeping magic and her abilities a secret from everyone else - even if she _had_ decided to tell anyone she knew there was no way that they would believe her and she didn't want anybody to think that she was crazy. Crazy wasn't a good thing, she knew that then.

Although she did find birthday parties to be amusing whenever they would hire a magician. It always made her laugh and she had to keep the real reason for her laughter concealed, but it was funny to her nonetheless.

At the time she didn't understand why she wanted to know so much about muggles and why they interested her so much. But now, as she left her Muggle Studies class she knew it was because she had an interest in everything and everybody that was different than her. And besides, after spending six school years surrounded by muggles ten months out of the year she thought this class was a complete breeze. And frankly, with her NEWTs coming up in about eight months, having at least one that she knew she would pass easily, with flying colours, was comforting.

A part of her reasoning for enjoying the class now came from the fact that for a small portion of the day she was able to focus on what was, in fact,  _not_  her reality. Muggles were so much simpler. Get up, go to work or school, raise families, pay your taxes. She liked how there was always a path to go on and it was easy to stay on it. And while most of their world wasn't threatened by one person in particular she was beginning to hear more and more rumblings which amounted to an idea that at some point in the future she wouldn't be able to say the same about the wizarding world.

Not that she liked to think about it. _He_ had shown her too much. Exposed her to things that she didn't want to be exposed to and neither of them had any business dabbling in. Thinking about it still made her angry.

But she tries not to think about him. Or that.

And as much as she didn't want to spend her last year at Hogwarts thinking about any men she was thankful that her infatuation with Sirius had taken up most of her thought schedule, not leaving too much room for anyone else. That much was good.

She hurriedly dropped her things off in her room before making her way down to the great hall. She had missed lunch due to the fact that she had completely forgotten about Defence homework which she had left on her bed and the staircase decided to move at exactly the wrong moment, forcing her to take a 30 minute detour through the castle just to get back.

She sighed as she sat down at the table across from Lily Evans. She decided a long time ago that she liked her - not that they were friends. If a label were to be put on their relationship it would have to be 'acquaintances'. They had more than a handful of conversations with one another and they respected each other but neither of them ever sought the other one out in order to spend time with the other. Looking at her now though, scowl on her face and her heated gaze which was directed to James, Mira wasn't sure now was the right time to strike up a conversation.

She looked down and placed a small amount of food on her plate - not because she was watching her figure, mind you, but her issue was she just had less of an appetite recently than she used to. She gently stabbed a piece of a cooked carrot with her fork, and placed it into her mouth when she and noticed Lily had now focused her attention on her instead of Potter.

"So I've noticed you've taken to spending time with them."

She raised her brows and put her fork down onto her plate, "pardon?"

Lily nodded her head in the general direction of the Marauders. "You know - that lot. James, Sirius and Remus."

"...and Peter."

She nodded and rested her elbows on the table. "Right. Him too."

She bit her lip and looked down the table towards Sirius. She watched him for a moment and suppressed a smile when he grinned at something Remus had just said before she looked away and back at Lily. "He's my potions partner, you know. Black, not Potter." She thought about asking why Lily hadn't noticed considering they were all in the same class with Slughorn but she chose not to, assuming that Lily must have just been too distracted by being forced to share a table with Severus Snape, her ex-best friend. But again, she didn't want to ask her about that.

"I know. But I mean outside of class. _"_ She opened her mouth to retort but Lily continued. "And I  _know_ , I don't mean when you're working on your felix felicis."

Mira shrugged, "it's only been once or twice, really. It's not like we're friends."

Lily intertwined her fingers and once again risked a look down the table. "Well, good. They might be clever but I think they're a bit too immature, if you ask me. Remus is the exception. I think."

She didn't say anything back to Lily and instead just gave a slight smile, wondering why she had decided to say anything to her in the first place. After all, they weren't friends so she didn't think this conversation was an effort to look out for her or to protect her from bad influences. In the end she came to the conclusion that her dislike of James and Sirius (which was well-known to basically the whole student body) lead to her butting in on her new-found... friendship? Is that what you'd call it? - with them. Regardless, Mira decided to ignore it, especially considering it didn't really matter because no matter was Lily said, she had no choice but to  _at least_ spend time with SIrius to work on their potion. 

Mira ate a few more bites, deciding that she wasn't as hungry as she initially thought she was, and gave a quick goodbye to Lily before heading out into the hallway.

"Wait up!"

She stopped in her tracks and turned around, her breath giving an involuntary hitch as she saw that it was James that had called out to her, with Sirius in tow. Her heart rate picked up and for a split second she wondered if it was possible to die from your heart beating too erratically. If it was, she knew it would happen to her. If her heart beat this fast just because he was standing next to her, imagine how fast it would beat if he ever actually touched her.

Not that she ever thought about Sirius Black touching her.

"Do you need something?"

James stopped in front of her and smiled, an image that she knew caused many female, and she suspected some male, hearts to flutter. "I noticed you were talking to Evans in there."

"Mhm."

"And?"

She shrugged, "and what?"

"I thought maybe you could try and talk to her about me? You know, talk me up a bit."

She shook her head and brushed her hair behind her right ear. "I don't really know her that well."

James reached for her arms and she fought her body's automatic reaction of trying to pull away from him as she didn't want to offend him. "Please? I've been asking her out for six years. Six years! And I think she might just crack and say yes next time, if she just gets a little, you know, push in the right direction."

She looked to Sirius and it was obvious that he was trying to contain his laughter. She wished that he wouldn't - she loved to see him laugh.

"I suppose I could try."

She was pulled into an incredibly tight embrace before she had a chance to back out of it. "Yes! Gray, you are literally the best girl that I know. Well, besides Lily, of course. But you're the best girl that I know who isn't my future wife."

She couldn't help but laugh as he finally let go of her and she placed a hand on her chest. "I appreciate that, thanks."

"Great!" He clapped his hands together, creating a bit of an echo in the hallway before he bounded back into the great hall. She noticed Sirius hadn't gone back inside with him and she immediately felt nervous, suddenly taking a keen interest in her shoes.

The lanterns in the hallway created shadows and as she kept her eyes on the floor and she noticed that his own shadow was moving towards her. He cleared his throat, and the sound caused her to finally look upwards at his face.

"Sorry about that. James is just getting a bit desperate."

She waved her hand in front of her face in an effort to brush his comment off. "No, it's okay."

She stared at him. She could tell that he was wanting to say something else to her so she waited patiently for what felt like a few minutes, but was probably only about ten seconds, before it began to feel too awkward. "I've gotta go, I'm pretty tired."

He nodded towards her, "okay," and watched her turn around and start to walk back towards the common room.

 

* * *

 

 

He hated his childhood. He always felt that he had gotten incredibly ripped off when it came to the experiences that children were supposed to have. Kids are meant to be allowed to make their own bonds with other children in their neighbourhoods. They're meant to stay up late at sleepovers and get into mischief and experience all of these new things. He'd never really been allowed that and he resented his parents completely for it.

His whole life he had been fed lies and utter bullshit when it came to how the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was better than all of the other houses and how them and their kind were more deserved and worthy of power and what they considered to be happiness. It wasn't happiness, though. It was all a lie and he knew that from an early age.

He couldn't deny that he did think that he was better than other people. But by other people he meant his other family members (except for the anomalies that were Alphard and Andromeda Black). He didn't understand how the rest of his family could feel that way about muggles and half-bloods. Just because he didn't have a single non-magical person in his family didn't mean shit when it came to whether or not he was a good person, he knew that. He'd always known that. And besides, having to marry your cousin because your beliefs won't let you marry someone who isn't a pure-blood was just disgusting and he hated that that idea was being forced upon him. He didn't want to marry someone that would most definitely be related to him in some way. It was gross and just plain  _weird_.

He wasn't allowed to mingle with the other children that lived in their set of row houses at Grimmauld Place. He'd usually see them all out in the park across the street. They would play games together and he always wanted to be out there with them instead of cooped up and told that those other kids out there were filth and not worthy of his time.

"Come away from the window, Sirius. There's nothing out there for you."

She liked to say that to him. He hated her.

She stifled him. They all did. And when he was 11 and got his Hogwarts letter they didn't seemed thrilled at all like he knew normal parents would. Normal parents would tell their children that they were so proud of them and they hoped he would have a wonderful time and that this would be such a great experience. But not Walburga and Orion Black. The only words he remembered hearing were "it's about bloody time you got out of this house" and "you'll love Slytherin, darling, your cousin Narcissa is there, you know."

Darling. He hated that she called him that too. Whenever she said it there was no love behind it, he knew that. She only said it to put up a front for other people and to make it seem like she actually cared for him which he knew was impossible. Liar.

He had originally accepted that he would be sorted into Slytherin even though his want to defile the Black name made him desire otherwise. But then he met James on the train - the first friend that he'd made on his own without the friendship being forced onto him by his parents - and he practically begged the sorting hat to place him into Gryffindor. And when it did, even at 11, he felt like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He could finally do what he wanted, be who he wanted to be and hang out with the people that he wanted to hang out with. It was, for lack of a better term, magical.

He dealt with the various forms of abuse from his family after that. He took it all in immense stride because he was just so damn happy when he was at school. Whatever happened at home didn't matter, he had his friends and Hogwarts to go back to. That, and because he had grown increasingly tired of his family and their lack of compassion and their numerous other faults as human beings, gave him courage to leave home when he was 16.

The only person he really missed was Regulus. He felt sorry for him. He was too stupid and weak to defy his parents and for a while he tried to make him see it. But he never responded and Sirius finally gave up. The only guilt he suffered from at leaving home was caused by the downfall of his and Regulus' relationship. But he just couldn't stay there anymore and he hoped that his little brother could understand that.

He'd spent the last two summers at James' house and for the first time he felt like he was part of a real family. Since then he'd been disinherited and his parents acted like Regulus was an only child. When Miss Potter found out about that she was incredibly kind and told him that when talking about her family she always told people that she had two sons, him and James. After that, he didn't feel so sad about his biological family not loving him.

He owed so much to the Potters and because of that, he gladly put up with James and his obsession with getting Lily Evans to date him.

"So do you reckon I should ask her?"

He took a sip of juice before placing the cup back down onto the table. "You mean ask Lily out again? Didn't you just do that yesterday?"

"No, I mean Mira."

He froze. He wanted to ask Mira out now? "Excuse me?" James obviously noticed his reaction and he held his hands up in a defensive formation, "no, mate, I mean ask Mira to talk to her."

He took a deep breath, his anger subsiding. "Do you really think that'll help?"

James shrugged before looking down the table and jumping up at the sight of Mira leaving. "Come on!"

He didn't really know why he was following him since James was the one that wanted to talk to her. Actually, that wasn't true. He knew he followed after him without hesitation because he wanted any excuse to be near Mira, as pathetic as that sounded in his head.

He wasn't really listening to the conversation that much. He found himself just getting distracted by looking at her. He let out a tiny bit of a laugh before stopping himself.  _I am so far gone, this is insane._

And then James hugged her. And then he wanted to kill him.

Why the hell does he get to hug her when the most physical contact he'd ever had with her consisted of small, and far too brief, touches?

He wasn't paying attention to James when he turned around and went back in to finish his dinner. He ignored the fact that he hadn't finished his either because then he looked at her and he thought he should say something. "Sorry about that. James is just getting a bit desperate."

She waved her hand in front of her face, physically telling him that it was fine. "No, it's okay."

And then a thought occurred to him. Hogsmeade weekend was coming up. He should definitely ask her to go with him. Okay.  _Ask her. Do it. Right now._

"I've gotta go, I'm pretty tired."

"Okay." He heart fell as he watched her start to leave and he cursed himself for not asking her before his feet moved involuntarily after her. "Mira!"

She turned around he tried his best to look like the suave, female-charmer that he knew he normally was when he stopped in front of her. "Did you maybe want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"

She said nothing, just looked a little shocked and by the look on her face he was certain that she was going to say "no." But then she bit her lip and gave a small nod, "okay."

She said it so quietly that he wasn't positive he'd heard her right. "Okay?"

Mira gave a small smile and took her own step forward, "I'll go with you."

He wanted to say something else to her but nothing remotely clever came to mind. Instead, he just stood there with what he assumed was a dumbfounded look on his face before she laughed and said goodnight, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway.

He finally came to his senses and walked back into the Great Hall where he found his friends still eating. Remus turned a bit in his seat and looked at him. "You alright, Padfoot?"

He grinned and took a swig of his drink, "just fine, thanks."


	5. Chapter 5

" _You won't ever leave me, will you, Mira?"_

_She licked her lips and smiled before taking a seat on his bed beside him. "Why are you asking me that?"_

_He shook his head and it was obvious to her that he had something terribly important on his mind. He laid back down on his pillow and ran his hands over his face, attempting to wipe off his anxieties. "Just tell me you won't."_

_She got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as she looked down at him. He'd never seemed so worried in the time that she'd been with him and she knew something must be wrong. "What aren't you telling me?"_

_He reached out for her, pulling her body into his and held his grip firm. "Just say it. Please."_

At the time her fifteen year old self couldn't process what was happening. When they first started dating she was 14 years old and it was so different. He was a year older than her and incredibly sweet, despite having been sorted into Slytherin. It had started in an innocent manner. She had been eating dinner with some of her friends when she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Evan, and he explained that his friends had dared him to ask her out. At first she was going to say no. not wanting to be used only to win a stupid game, until he explained that he really did like her and had always thought she was pretty, and he wasn't asking her only because he didn't want to be made fun of.

So they went out and it was wonderful. And by the time they had their fifth date they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. He was the first boyfriend she ever had. In fact, he was her first for everything. Her first kiss, which happened on their second date when they had been outside in the courtyard and it started raining. He had grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, laughing at the fact that they were now both soaked through their uniforms. She laughed with him before he placed his hands on the sides of her face and pressed his lips to hers. It was wonderful. And perfect.

He was the first person to ever touch her like  _that_ , and he was the person she chose to lose it to. She knew now that she had been too young and wasn't at all mature enough, but when it happened she felt like she was completely ready for it. He was gentle and kind and even now, knowing what he was like, she didn't regret it. It seemed right at the time and she liked to stand up for her choices.

But then something happened the summer before her fifth year. He started acting strange whenever she would visit him at his home and he wouldn't show her any kind of affection whenever they were around his family. She thought maybe he was just uncomfortable with showing off his relationship in front of them so she asked her parents (practically begged, more like) if he could come over for a few days. He told her then that his parents wanted him to leave her. She felt embarrassed that she had tried so hard to win them over, all the while they wanted her gone, and she didn't understand. She cried, and he told her that he loved her and his parents were just eager for him to keep the pure blood line going. He said that he didn't care what his parents thought and that just because she was a half-blood, didn't mean that he didn't want to be with her, no matter what they said.

He kept good on his word until October of that same year. He used to spend practically all of his spare time with her after classes and on weekends. But then he kept ditching her in order to hang out with his new group of friends which included Mulciber, Snape and Avery. She hated the three of them and she knew they were changing her once incredibly loving boyfriend, pulling him into their deranged interest in the dark arts. He tried to tell her that it was nothing and that he was only hanging out with them to make sure that they didn't do anything stupid. That was all.

But she was worried, regardless. She knew that a lot of Slytherins shared the same feelings about half-bloods and muggle-borns that Evan's parents did. They were so happy together and with the added pressure of his new friends she wasn't sure if he could stop them from changing his views.

It was around Christmas time that she sat in his room and he asked her not to leave him. He seemed so frightened and she was afraid of what he had gotten himself into. It just wasn't like him.

_"I won't leave you, Evan. I love you."_

And then one day, a few months later everything happened, and the boy who once said he loved her forced her to choose, and she had to break her promise to him. But that particular incident was something she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to talk about.

She had never told her friends what happened. They were under the impression that the relationship she shared with Evan wasn't serious nearly as serious as it had been. She never corrected them. She didn't tell them that she had given all of herself to him and she didn't tell them that her now ex-boyfriend was on the verge of becoming a death eater. Or that he'd hurt her more than she'd ever thought possible.

She was forever ashamed of herself for being so stupid. How could she have been so close to him yet not know him at all?

 

* * *

 

 

He spent hours going over everything in his head. Where in Hogsmeade he was going to take her, what they were going to do, hell, even what he was going to wear. He felt like he was fourteen years old again and going on his first real date. James had even been so kind as to call him a bloody git before tossing and outfit towards him that he actually ended up wearing. He always thought James had surprisingly good taste in clothes.

He was nervous. His palms were sweaty and he paced slightly before rubbing them on his jeans as he waited for her in the common room like they had arranged. He made his friends go ahead of him, wanting to have some real alone time with her for once without them interrupting. But then he saw her coming down the stairs and his nerves were replaced with excitement.

Her shirt was loose fitting but low cut and he couldn't help but take a quick look at her chest. He smiled when she walked in front of him down to the courtyard and he decided that he was a massive fan of her ass in jeans. As they walked down to Hogsmeade they stayed close to one another and he smiled when their fingertips would accidentally brush and he could see a bit of colour appearing on her cheeks.

He took her to Honeydukes first where he discovered she had quite the sweet-tooth. He laughed at her embarrassment when she practically freaked out when he bought her a box of salt-water taffy. She hid her face and quietly told him to shut up before she grabbed his arm and dragged him out of there. His mind didn't fail to register that this was the first time she  _really_  touched him. His heart beat quickened and he wanted to whine when she let go of him as they entered Zonko's and ran into his friends. James practically pounced on her, once again making him angry due to his excessive touching of Mira, asking her if she'd had any luck with Lily. She told him that she'd only talked to her once since she agreed to help him and that all she could say before she left was, "well it's not like he's a prat, though, right?"

He tentatively looked up at her across the table, nestled in the back corner of The Three Broomsticks. She ran her index finger over the rim of her glass in a clockwise motion. His eyes drifted to her mouth as she bit down on her bottom lip, causing a darker hint of pink to appear, the image of her making inappropriate thoughts come to the forefront of his mind. He closed his eyes, trying to force them away before risking another glance.

His grey eyes met with her multi-coloured ones as a long piece of black hair fell into her face she brushed it back behind her ear. He had so many things that he wanted to ask her. He had liked her for so long that his curious mind had often wondered what her life was like as a child, where did she live when she wasn't at Hogwarts, what were the names of her parents, did she get along with her brother, what was her favourite colour? He was dying to know absolutely everything but he couldn't manage to string together a single question. Whenever he looked at her he felt like his head was going to explode and he didn't know what to do in order to calm his senses. It was absolutely infuriating. It was so bloody easy to impress any other person in school so why was it that the one time he had a girl that he desperately wanted to impress, he couldn't?

He also wanted to ask her why she'd been single for so long. Why was it that a girl who was so beautiful never accepted any dates? He knew she'd been asked multiple times over the past year and a half but she'd always turned them down. It had become common knowledge, at least in the Gryffindor house, that she always seemed to desire to be alone. That, and the fact that she seemed so distant from almost everyone, other than her few close friends, added to his amazement that she had said yes to him. He wanted to know if that meant that she liked him, or did that just mean that maybe she was becoming lonely and only desired some company?

She took a sip of her butterbeer before placing it back down on the table and licked her lips, leaving a light cover of moisture that Sirius thought made them look terrible inviting.

"I've had a good time today."

Her withdrew his gaze from her mouth for the hundredth time that day and smiled before taking a sip of his own. "So have I."

She rested her elbows onto the table and leaned slightly into it. She breathed deeply and touched her fingers to the glass, wiping off a bit of condensation that had appeared due to the coldness of her drink. She looked contemplative before bringing a hand up, running it through her hair.

"You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about certain things that have happened to me and people that I used to know and I just..." She paused, and he found himself just staring at her, silently urging her to continue. "... I'm not sure how much you know about me. But I know what people think and what they're saying. And I just feel like I should tell you that this...  _thing_ , this reason why I'm like this, I've never told anyone what that is. And I want to. And sometimes I think that maybe I could tell you. I don't know why. We hardly even said anything to each other before this year so I know that might be kind of weird. It's, I just - and I don't mean to pry or anything like that and you can always tell me if I'm overstepping myself, but I know what happened and why you left your home and that you've been staying with James. Not that I really asked anyone about it because I thought it should've only been your business but you know how fast things spread at school."

He held his hand up and let out a laugh. "It's okay, I know."

"But anyways, and sorry, this isn't coming out nearly as eloquently as I was hoping it would. But what I mean to say is I think that maybe you'd understand me. And I want you to be the person that I tell... not that I'm ready to yet. I just... I just wanted you to know."

He was stunned. He wanted to touch his hand to hers but while she had just told him that she wanted to confide in him, she had said nothing of wanting to start a relationship with him, so he hesitated. He felt incredibly privileged to be the person that she trusted to not judge her and to be who she wanted to share her deepest secret with. His hand, however, didn't listen to his head as it moved on its own volition and clasped her free one.

He didn't miss the initial twitch that her hand made, positive that she would pull it away, but then it stopped, and she didn't move it. She didn't quite touch his back, but he was contented with her just allowing the small comfort he was trying to provide her with.

Not wanting to make her too uncomfortable, he pulled his hand back after a few moments and he saw her relax back into her seat and she even let the corners of her mouth turn up as she looked at him, before her eyes shifted to the door at the sound of the bell ringing, signalling another patron had just entered. The change in the expression on her face was abrupt and he was surprised as she swiftly moved from her seat facing the door and slid in beside him. The feel of her arm brushing against his caused a shiver to run through his body which he tried to ignore as she cowered into him.

"Are you okay?" The smell of her perfume wafted into his nose and he felt light-headed, suddenly feeling like he should be posing that question to himself instead.

She didn't answer him and he risked a glance towards the door where he saw Snape and his gang standing at the entrance. He frowned, his usual response to seeing "Snivellus," and looked back to Mira, her head dangerously close to his. If he wanted to it would be so easy to close the distance between them and kiss her, and god did he  _want_  to. But if he was going to kiss her, which he knew he was going to at some point, this wasn't the right time. He wanted her to want it as much as he did and it was obvious that at this particular moment she wasn't in the mood, too preoccupied with something else. He touched his hand to hers and whispered, "did you want to leave?"

She nodded into him and slid back out of the seat, careful not to turn towards the door. He wondered what exactly it was about that group of people that made her so keen to get out of there but he didn't question it as he grabbed his leather jacket and slipped into it. He watched the door and waited until the four of them had taken a seat next to the window before moving towards her. "Mira, I'm just gonna..." He analytically placed his arm around her shoulder, holding her into his body as they began to walk towards the entrance. When they reached the door he used his spare hand to push it open, and lead them outside.

He stopped as they turned the corner and he released her from his grasp. He wanted to ask her what was wrong but at the same time, she had just expressed to him that she thought he would understand her, and he didn't want to give her any reason to suspect otherwise. So instead, he leaned back against the brick building they were stationed at and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, and waited.

She paced for a few moments, all the while biting her lip, a habit of hers that he had now realized only happened when she was nervous about something. She stopped moving back and forth and instead came towards him, stopping until she was only about a foot in front of him. She frowned, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "it's fine. I just didn't realize you hated them so much." He laughed, trying to release some of the tension and to bring her back to the mood she was in before the four boys appeared but it didn't work. She kept her frown and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's not that, really, it's just, he's not supposed to be here."

"Who's not supposed to be here?" He thought back to the others that entered the Three Broomsticks along with Snape and it suddenly clicked. Rosier. She used to date Evan Rosier. How could he have forgotten? He'd always taken notice when he would see them together, especially when they would spend time in the Gryffindor common room or they would eat together during meals. He'd completely forgotten about all of that, his body much preferring not to remember any boy that she used to date. "Oh. I thought he graduated...?"

She nodded and released herself, "he did. That's why I was so shocked to see him." He could tell she wasn't being completely honest. There must have been some other reason why seeing her ex-boyfriend would cause such a stir in her, but he didn't push it. She shook her head rolled her shoulders, physically trying to rid herself of the state she had been in. She took a step forward and poked his chest, "I'm sorry. I kind of ruined our nice time, didn't I?" She tried to smile but he could tell that the action was merely an attempt to cover up whatever else she was feeling. He wanted to pull her into him and kiss her, tell her that he didn't care about anything that happened in the past and that he only cared that she was spending time with him  _now_ , but he didn't want to risk her running away from him. "It's okay... did you want to head back?"

She took a step backwards and looked towards the ground, muttering a "mhm" before she moved and walked ahead of him. He quickly moved away from his place at the side of the building and fell in stride with her, almost finding it difficult to keep up. She was clearly craving to be out of Hogsmeade but he didn't mind. He'd just gotten to spend all day with her and while their exit came sooner than he was hoping, he didn't care, because she'd confessed to him that she wanted to share an important part of her life with him. And that was enough. For now.


	6. Chapter 6

She held her arms close to her chest and brought her legs up towards her torso as she leaned her head back against the couch. She closed her eyes, trying to get rid of the residual nerves that she hadn't yet been able to shake after seeing Evan at Hogsmeade earlier in the day. She had skipped dinner, instead deciding to mope in her room before coming to the conclusion that if she was ever going to really move on from him, she had to push through the reaction she'd experienced. After all, she had been having such a good time with Sirius, a better time than she had anticipated, and she didn't want to let her deatheater ex-boyfriend get in the way of that.

After her initial temper tantrum that she'd focused almost solely onto the couch cushion, forcing her to use repairo on the offending object, she sat, legs crossed, in the middle of the sofa as she put on her best imitation of meditation that her non-muggle mind could muster. She had slowly begun to relax, afterwards feeling childish at her outburst. When she really thought about it though, her reaction was far more controlled than she had originally thought it would be once the inevitable run-into-your-ex occurred. She had a feeling a lot of it had to do with the fact that she had been with Sirius at the time.

While it seemed contradictory to the erratic heartbeat she often felt when she was around him, there was something about Sirius' demeanor that calmed her. She couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but she assumed it had something to do with the confidence that he showed when he was in classes or in talking to his friends. His charm always seemed to win people over and to a person looking from the outside-in, it seemed he had everything under control, something she wished she was more capable of.

And no matter her previous reservations, the more she spent time with Sirius, the more she felt that maybe her resolution to not date anyone until she had graduated was an idiotic one. If the fluttering in her chest and the thrill that ran down her spine every time he smiled at her was any indication, if she were to allow herself the pleasure getting closer to him it was obvious that more good than harm would come out of it. At least she hoped.

She wiped her hands over her face and took a deep breath before quickly releasing it. She blinked a few times, suddenly realizing that the dim lighting in the common room was beginning to make her drowsy. She stood up from her place on the couch and reached her arms upwards toward the ceiling, letting out a groan as she stretched before climbing up the stairs to crawl into bed.

When she reached the small hallway that split the girls' dormitories from the boys' she hesitated and stopped in her tracks. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip before she heard laughter coming from what she assumed was Sirius' room. She closed her eyes and attempted to quell the rush of nerves that flew to her belly before she took a tentative step up the stairs, forcing one foot after the other until she reached the top.

She had no idea what room belonged to him but the laughter of him and his friends was quite distinctive and she followed the sounds until she reached the opened door and leaned against the door frame.

It took a moment for any of them to notice her presence as they were too focused on whatever they had been talking and laughing about. Peter was the first to turn his head and his eyes widened, making her slightly self-conscious and wonder if maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come and see him. Pettigrew kept his eyes on her as he reached out wildly and smacked Sirius on arm.

"Ow! Wormtail, what the fu- Mira?" It was hard to miss the way that his eyes quickly roamed over her body and she shifted in place, trying not to show how his gaze was affecting her.

She moved her hands from their place at her sides and slid them into her back pockets. "Hi... sorry for interrupting, I was just - can I talk to you, please?" Her eyes fell from Sirius to James and then to Remus, all of which were staring intently back at her. She forced a small smile onto her face as she looked back at them, "hi." She received a customary nod from James as Remus muttered a hello and looked as if he was trying to contain his own laughter as he pursed his lips and looked down at the floor. Peter said nothing, and it made her think that maybe she had done something to make him not like her.

Sirius cleared his throat and stood up from his place on what she assumed was his bed. "Sure." As he came towards her she tried to best to hide the hitch in her breath when she  _really_  looked at him. She'd been stopping herself from doing it all day, trying her best to just focus on how much she enjoyed his company because she knew if she _really_ looked at the beautiful man before her she was done for.

He stopped in front of her and she breathed in the cologne that she'd tried hard to ignore earlier, thankful that her arousal was never as evident as if she had been born a boy. She looked down as his fingertips brushed hers and without thinking about it she fully grasped his hand and stepped away from the door, pulling him with her, down towards her previous place on the couch in the common room.

She pulled her legs up and under her and turned to face him, watching him as he sat down next to her and got comfortable. His turned his gaze to her face and when he smiled she let out a little laugh, feeling silly for the giddiness that threatened to take over. She cleared her throat and brushed her hair behind her ear, licking her lips once again when she allowed her eyes to fall to his mouth. She blinked and looked away, "sorry for pulling you away from your friends."

"It's okay."

"I was just thinking about what happened today and I thought that maybe I owed you a bit more of an explanation than I gave to you before."

He shook his head, "You really don't have to -"

"No, but I want to." She fidgeted and moved her knees closer towards her, a subconscious movement to protect herself as she tried to think of the best way to explain. "It's just, Evan and I dated for a long time, well, a long time when you're about fifteen years old, anyways, and it just really,  _really_ didn't end well. After we broke up be kept finding me and would try to... well, that part's not important. And I thought that when he graduated last year that I wouldn't ever have to see him again, something that I was extremely pleased about, but then he was there and I thought again about everything that happened and I needed to leave, I couldn't have him see me... and I'm sorry that that got in the way of us spending more time together. Because I really wanted to. Spend more time with you, that is."

He ran his hand through his hair and a part of her wanted to swoon at the sight. His hand lingered on the back of his neck before he looked at her in the way that Evan used to before he would kiss her, although the expression on Sirius' face was all-together far more appealing. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but is he the reason that you've been so..." He shrugged his shoulders as he looked for the right word to say, "... despondent?"

She thought, only for a moment, about lying to him but there was something about him and his stupid, but not really, face that forced her to be honest. "Yes."

She hoped to god that he wouldn't press her any more than that. When she decided to ask him to come and speak to her she never intended for it to become some sort of confessional. She just wanted to let him know that he had absolutely nothing to do with her reasoning for leaving Hogsmeade in such a hurry, and that she really did have a good time with him.

She laughed, "that's the perfect word for it."

"Well I am very smart." He smirked and she touched her teeth to her bottom lip before releasing it, "you'd have to be, wouldn't you? You and your friends mess around so much I can't imagine how else you'd still get those fantastic grades if you weren't."

He positioned himself closer to her and leaned in slightly, "you think I mess around?"

Her heart rate quickened at the double entendre and the proximity of his body to hers caused heat to rush to her core. She hadn't meant her words to be taken that way but she didn't mind. The corners of her mouth turned up and she looked down, her eyes falling to his jeans-covered dick before she quickly moved them away and towards the fire, not wanting to let her increasingly uncontrollable lust-filled thoughts pull her away from their conversation. "People talk, Sirius. But I'll believe whatever you tell me." She looked back towards him and she stopped another oncoming smile when she caught him looking at her chest.

His grey eyes met hers and the sight of them almost made her breathing stop. "There's truth to that, but not recently."

"Not recently?"

"No."

She cleared her throat again and the sound seemed to pull them both out of whatever state of semi-trance that they had both been in. He let out a laugh and she asked him what it was for.

"Did you say you wanted to spend more time with me?"

She grinned, "is that seriously what you took from that whole thing?"

He moved even closer to her and their legs touched. "It's the part that I liked the most." She didn't say anything in response, hell she couldn't even think of anything to say. The guy that she'd liked and wanted from a distance for such a long time was actually hitting on her and her mind wasn't able to function anymore at the realization. It seemed so strange. They'd spent six years hardly acknowledging one another and within a month and a half of their seventh and final year at Hogwarts they'd finally started to get to know each other.

"You know my birthday's next weekend." Of course she knew. "We're having a party in the room of requirement. Did you want to come with me?"

Her throat went dry and instead of vocalizing her answer she nodded and smiled. Taking every ounce of courage she could find at this particular moment she leaned forward and planted a delicate kiss on his cheek before getting up. "Thanks for today."

 

* * *

 

 

He was trying desperately to stop looking at her so much but due to his eyes having a mind of their own and not listening to his head, he was failing miserably. He turned his head to look at her for what he was certain was the hundredth time in their potions class and he was incredibly grateful that she appeared to be too engrossed in preparing her ingredients to notice.

She placed her fingers on her lips and had a contemplative look on her face and he couldn't help but stare at her. Although it didn't matter what she was doing, really, every minuscule move she made always drew his attention and it had only gotten worse since he'd started talking to and spending time with her. He was beginning to think that if it was possible to go insane by being obsessed with a girl that it was, in fact, definitely going to happen to him.

He felt a nudge in his side and looked to his left at James. He took a step towards him and whispered, keeping his eyes on Mira to make sure she couldn't hear him. "You know you're meant to actually make this potion, not think of all the ways you want to fuck her into the mattress." His eyes widened, not at what James had said but at the fact she was only about five feet from him and if she were to have heard him he would be completely mortified. His eyes darted back to her and he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her saying something to Remus about needing to grab something from the front.

He quickly glanced at his textbook and skimmed his eyes over the instructions before hurriedly dumping his ingredients in and stirring it. He tried not to follow her with his eyes but he gave in and watched as she reached for another Valerian root when Snape approached her from behind and touched his hand to her lower back. His initial instinct was to run up and punch him in the face for even thinking about putting a hand on her but he stopped himself and breathed deeply, knowing that he wouldn't be able to give an adequate reason for that particular action.

Snape leaned in close and he watched as Mira turned her head away from him, obviously not keen on their current state of closeness. He mouthed something that he couldn't quite make out but whatever it was seemed to upset her, or make her angry, he couldn't quite tell. Mira's eyes bore into Snape's and she took a step backwards without saying a word to him. She stood in place for a moment, keeping her eyes on him before she looked off towards the door.

He looked around the classroom and everyone at the other tables seemed to be oblivious as to what was going on, except for him and his friends.

"What do you think he said to her?" He looked to Remus for an answer, but he shrugged. "I don't know."  _  
_

She pursed her lips as she quickly walked back to her table, and three sets of eyes looked anywhere but at her when she cut up the root and placed it into her cauldron. Sirius risked a glance back in her direction and he wanted to hex Snape for the expression that he saw. Earlier in class she had been laughing along with the three of them and he was glad that she seemed to be letting go of whatever had happened to her but now, her eyes were glistening and she breathed out of her mouth in an attempt to calm herself down.

She placed her spoon down and then closed her eyes before opening them again and rapidly blinking one, two, three times and shook her head slightly. Her eyes flickered to his and she surprised him by trying to muster a smile but they both knew there was nothing genuine about it. He opened his mouth to say something to her, to ask her what happened or if she maybe wanted to talk to him, but Professor Slughorn came between them in order to take a gander at her work.

"This is wonderful, Miss Gray! Fantastic job."

She whispered out a "thank you," keeping her eyes on the table.

"I've been meaning to ask if you would like to be part of the Slug Club this year? We're having a Halloween party and I would be delighted if you would come." James' ears perked up as he knew Lily was a part of it. He coughed out something that sounded very much like, "say yes," before he attempted to stand in a nonchalant fashion.

She looked up at him and nodded before Slughorn walked away and James muttered a "thank you" in Mira's direction. She held her hand up to him in acknowledgement before reaching for her bag at the sound of them being released from class. She quickly stood up from her stool and swiftly walked towards the door before being stopped by Snape, his hand tight on her arm.

Sirius grabbed his own bag and moved towards them, only catching the end of Snape saying, "- will be there tonight." She jerked herself out of his grasp and stood still before he gave up and left the classroom. Sirius reached out, lightly placing his hand on her shoulder. She flinched at the touch before turning around, releasing a sigh when she realized it was only him.

"He's taken an interest in you."

She shook her head, "it's not that, it's -" She stopped and looked to the floor before peering back at him, the glisten returning to her eyes. Without thinking he reached out and pulled her towards him. As his body made contact with hers he was sure she would pull away but he felt no movement from her. It took a moment but her small hands gently touched his back as he held her against him. He breathed inward, the smell of her freshly washed hair wafted into his nose and he suppressed a groan before she pulled back. "Thank you."

He licked his lips and gave a small nod as she pushed her hair behind her ears. "Would you mind if I sat with you at dinner?"

He tried to hold back his smile but it was no use. "Sure." He wanted to ask her what was going on and what the hell Snape said to her but she turned on her heels and left before he got a chance.

As he walked through the doors to the Great Hall an hour later he tried to push down the nerves that were threatening to take over. His eyes quickly darted to his usual place at the table and he grinned when he saw her already sitting there. He laughed when his eyes fell to Peter who had an intense blush on his face while she attempted to start a conversation with him. He walked at a fast pace and took a seat next to her. "Hey."

She turned her body towards him and scanned her eyes over his face, "Hi. Thanks for this."

He waved his hand, "it's fine. You can sit here whenever you want, you know."

She let out a small laugh, "well thanks anyways... I'm sorry about today. I was being kind of weird."

He took a sip of the juice he had just poured for both Mira and himself before looking back at her. "What did he say to you?"

She hesitated when James and Remus joined the three of them, and for a moment he cursed himself for not just keeping his mouth shut before Snape and his friends, including Evan Rosier, came into the hall. She shifted closer to him and a shiver ran through his body as their sides touched and she looked up at him. "He told me that _he'd_ be here. And that he wanted to see me."

They sat in silence for a moment before any of them noticed a certain figure walking towards them. Sirius' eyes fell to her chest and he noticed that her breath caught in her throat when her name was called. "Mira."

Her hand flew up to her temple and she rubbed it as if trying to rid herself of an instantaneous headache. She slid her hand from her head and ran it through her hair, her mouth slightly open as she licked her lips, all the while turning around in her seat before standing up. She said nothing but stood and stared up at Evan with a defiant look in her eyes before she stepped past him. One of Evan's hands delved into his pocket as he turned on his heel and watched her walk away before following after her.

"Uh, so... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that there's some tension between those two." The corner of Peter's mouth turned upwards as Sirius reluctantly took his eyes off of Mira's retreating form as she stepped beyond his line of sight and he turned back to his friends. "They used to date, remember?"

"But isn't he a, you know, death eater...?"

Sirius glared at him. He knew it was true but the thought of her being along with someone so potentially dangerous deeply irked him and he was trying his hardest to stay still in his seat instead of jumping up and running out the door after her. "So I've heard."

"Is Mira a death eater?"

Remus' arms quickly encompassed him before he had a chance to get up and hex one of his best friends into oblivion. He cursed and ripped himself from his grasp, the commotion between the group causing numerous classmates to focus their attention onto their section of the Gryffindor table. "Fuck you, Wormtail."

He launched himself out of his seat, incredibly angry that his friend could be so bloody stupid. Of course she wasn't a death eater. If she was a death eater she wouldn't have been placed in Gryffindor, it was completely mental. How could he even think that about her? Sometimes he was amazed that someone he associated with would be so clueless.

When he reached the hall he looked to his right and he made out the form of Mira, currently leaning against the wall with her arms crossed as Evan began to inch forward towards her. She held her arms out and pushed his chest, "don't."

Sirius slipped into the shadows and watched with growing curiosity as he tried to gather himself, not wanting to approach them before he knew what was going on. He was known for sometimes snapping and acting on impulse rather than thinking about things or doing them the right way. When it came to Mira, he always wanted to do it the right way. She was too important.

"Please? I miss you."

She laughed, but the sound that came out of her mouth was foreign to him. It wasn't her usual tone and it flew into his ears with an amount of malice that he didn't think she was capable of. "You don't miss me, you just want me to join you, which I've already told you, I won't."

"But the things you can do, you would be such an asset to us, to our cause."

"You cause? Your cause is barbaric."

He growled and clenched his hand in a fist before his face softened and he took another step into her. "That's not the only reason I came back here, love."

"Don't call me that."

He smiled and swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as his hand reached out for her face. "But I used to always -"

She stepped away from the wall and slipped past him, "'always' ended when you made me choose, you know that."

 _When he made her choose?_  What was she talking about? Sirius moved from behind the dark and casually walked towards them. The sounds of his footsteps drew the attention of both Mira and Evan and he couldn't help but revel in the fact that Mira reached out for his hand, looking to him for some sort of comfort.

Evan angrily pointed towards them and looked back at her. "You're with that blood traitor now? He's a disgrace to the name of Black."

He opened his mouth to retaliate but she had had more than enough and pulled him away and down the hall, leading him back towards the common room before she abruptly stopped outside of the portrait. She said nothing when her eyes fell to his but she had a pained look on her face and she looked as if she were trying to stop herself from crying. "I'm sorry."

He touched his hand to her cheek and slowly slid it until it was resting at the back of her neck. "It's fine."

She reached up and placed her hand on top of his, the warm of her palm over the top of his hand and the feel of her skin beneath his fingers set his body on fire. He felt an intense urge to take a small step forward and to connect his lips to hers but his desire was stepped on when instead, she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his torso in an embrace.

The shock of once again having her upper body flush with his made him close his eyes and swallow as he tried to contain himself. Her smell seeped into his nose and he bit down on his tongue to stifle a whine as it raked through him. He slid one hand between her shoulders and he had no control as the other delved into her hair, pulling her ever closer. Her chest moved against him as a sound very much resembling a moan escaped through her lips when the hand in her hair gave a small tug.

It took everything in him to come down from the high that was rapidly building and release her from his grasp. "We should-"

"Mhm."

She was breathing heavily and the knowledge that he was the cause of it made a wave of arousal run through his veins and he shook his head, attempting to rid himself of it but the rigid member beneath his cloak wouldn't allow it. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, simply staring at each other, both of them trying to decide what was the proper step to take next before the sound of numerous voices coming down the hall pulled them out of whatever state they'd been locked into.

As they separated at the top of the stairs to go to their respective dormitories he looked back at her and watched as she walked away from him, deciding that he desperately needed to make a move on her, and soon.


	7. Chapter 7

She stared at herself for the umpteenth time in the full-length mirror. She had pondered for what seemed like hours as she tried to decide what outfit to choose for Sirius' party.

"What about this?"

She craned her neck from her place in the washroom while she styled her hair into full, loose curls and eyed the garment which her friend, Ruth, held in her hands. It was a fitted romper, deep green in colour and she'd seen her friend wear it once over the previous summer while she stayed for the weekend.

"You think it'd suit me?"

Ruth smiled, knowing full-well when she reached for it that Mira would be hesitant to even try it on.

"Are you joking?"

"Well, I-"

"Mira, come on... Listen, I know we've never talked about whatever it was that happened to you but you must agree with me that whatever it was, it's changed who you are. And recently, with the way you've been acting, I can finally see glimpses of the you that I met that first day of Hogwarts on the train ride." She took the few steps into the washroom and looked at her friend who was obviously uncomfortable with the current topic of conversation. "And anyways, I think you spending time with Sirius is helping you come back out of that near-impenetrable shell you've made for yourself. So come on. You're going to get changed into this and you'll look so damn fab in it that he won't be able to keep his hands off you and then you'll tell me all about it."

Mira smiled and placed the curling iron onto the counter before grabbing her hairspray. She contemplated saying "no" for a moment. While Ruth was right, and she really knew she was, she'd been inside her shell for so long that the thought of stepping out of it had become terribly frightening. She sighed and ran her tongue over her lips. It was true through, spending time with Sirius was starting to change her. And while it was scary, she knew that sometimes what you need  _is_  scary.

"Okay."

Ruth grinned, "really? Oh, fantastic!" She pushed the outfit into her arms and began to back out of the room. "You're gonna look so great in it, I promise."

As she walked down the stairs to the common room her heart rate suddenly quickened. Her body almost began to shake as she reached for the handrail and paused, counting to four and taking deep breaths, trying to steady herself. Ever since "the incident" she sometimes struggled with her anxiety and tried to push the feelings aside and calm herself. She slowly let out a breath as she continued down the steps. When she reached her destination she was surprised to see him sitting on the armrest of the sofa, alone.

"I thought you would've already gone down there."

Sirius' head whipped up and his eyes focused on her. He said nothing and the scrutiny of his gaze made her question her decision to follow Ruth's advice on her choice of outfit. She looked down at herself and ran her hands over the fabric. "Do you not like it? It's Ruth's and I told her I wasn't sure about it."

He shook his head and stood up, awkwardly placing his hands in his back pockets. "No. No, I just... I think you look really great. Honestly."

She bit her lip and ran her eyes over his body. He hadn't dressed up much, a nice pair of dark jeans, white t-shirt and the leather jacket that he seemed very fond of. Not that it really mattered anyways. When you're blessed with the fortune of looks the calibre of Sirius', it generally doesn't matter what you wear.

"Thank you. So do you, Mr. Birthday Boy."

He let out a short laugh and tentatively reached his hand out, silently asking her to take it. She gladly accepted the invitation and at that particular moment, all the nervousness she had felt only minutes before quickly subsided. He guided them out of the room and started down the hall to the Room of Requirement.

She licked her bottom lip and turned her head towards him. "So... does it feel any different?"

He turned to look at her and furrowed his brows, not quite understanding what she was asking. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "oh you know. You're eighteen now, an adult. So, what I mean is, I guess, does it feel any different to be a  _man_?"

He grinned and laughed loudly, "I don't know if I'd call myself that yet. Feels weird. And anyways, I'm still stuck here in school, so I don't really think I'll actually be a man until end of June of next year."

The next few moments passed with silence between them, and despite it not feeling awkward, she was racking her brain for something else to say to him. She had thought a lot about what things she wanted to say to him to keep him pleasantly entertained on his birthday but at this particular moment every idea she had had seemed to escape her. She looked down at their clasped hands and suppressed the smile that threatened to make itself shown upon her face. When she reached for him the other night when he interrupted her conversation with Evan, which she was extremely grateful for, she hadn't given any thought as to whether or not she would get the opportunity to do so again. And now, with him being the one to offer it, her heart raced with the idea that whatever was going on between them could be realized.

"When is your birthday?"

Her eyes darted from their hands to his face and she quickly opened her mouth to respond. "March."

He smiled and to her the image was glorious, "March what?"

"Twenty-eighth."

He raised his brows and gave a small nod, "day after James'. Good. It'll be easy to remember."

"Good? I'm glad, then, because I don't generally make a big show of my birthday."

Sirius stopped walking and reached out, running his hands along the stone wall before walking back and forth a few times. "I know. You've kept me guessing all these years."

She had wanted to ask him what exactly he met by that. Had he really given thought before they actually started talking this year to when her birthday is? But she wasn't given a chance before the door revealed itself and Sirius pushed it open, the loud music from the already-going party hitting their ears, hard.

"Sirius!"

James' shout had somehow managed to be loud enough to overcome the deafening cacophony before him, Remus and Peter ran towards them. "Come on! Let's get you a drink."

James and Peter ripped Sirius from her grasp and she watched, semi-helplessly as they pulled him over and away from her to a nearby table. She felt silly but as soon as his hand left hers her discomfort was immediate. Her eyes darted around the room, there were so many people there that she had never met before and it made her nervous. This was exactly what she was worried about. When the two of them entered dozens of eyes had locked onto them and it made her itch. She hated being in a room full of people that she didn't know and her eyes immediately fell to the ground, desperately not wanting to be noticed.

"Are you alright?"

She gasped slightly as she felt a hand gently touch her arm. She nodded in response and looked up into the blue eyes of Remus who, as he looked down at her face, seemed to understand how she was really feeling, revealing that the question had been more of a rhetorical one. She always knew she liked him for a reason. "I'm fine." She changed her stance to one that she hoped made her appear as if she was more confident than she was actually feeling on the inside. "Really. Thank you."

He gave her a small smile and leaned in, whispering, "it's okay. I'm not a big fan of crowds either. I always feel like they're staring and that they can  _see_  that I'm a werewolf."

She raised her brows at his admission. Despite the fact that she had made it known that she knew Remus' secret, she had never intended of having an actual conversation with him about it. She stuck our her hand and pointed between the two of them. "How do you know that I-"

"Sirius told me."

She wanted to say something reassuring, to let him know that she respected him as a person and would never, ever tell anybody his secret but the only thing that came out of her mouth was, "oh."

He laughed, and any thought that she had that he might have been mad about her knowing washed away. "It's okay. It's kind of nice, actually. I mean, other than Lily, but she doesn't really count since James has been obsessed with her for years, you're the first person from our house to figure it out. I tried so hard to keep it a secret."

She looked down at the ground and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear before she looked back at him. "I know, I'm sor-"

He shook his head and cut her off. "No, don't apologize... what I'm more interested in is why you never told anyone."

"Well, I just... I don't know. I know the four of you tried your best to hide it but, I mean, and you know I've always been kind of quiet so I've gotten pretty good at people watching. It was obvious. To me, at least." He looked at her intently, the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward, clearly amused with her delivery. "And I didn't tell anyone because I didn't find out until we'd already been here together for a few years so I just thought that if nothing bad had happened already that it never would. I promise I've never once thought you would be a danger to anybody else. And anyways, you and I partnered last year so we spent hours together and I know you're a nice person, Remus, really." She reached out and poked his chest, "and I wouldn't do that to you, regardless."

He smiled and then he did something that completely surprised her: he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you." She was befuddled for a moment. Remus was the shy one. His affections were usually only shared with the ones he was close to. Remus Lupin never went around hugging boys or girls that weren't already a part of his tight-knit group. The most they'd ever touched was an accidental brush of the hands while working on a potion together and to suddenly jump from slight missteps of the hand to a full-blown hug was almost perplexing to her. She delicately touched her hands to his back, pleased that he had reacted so positively to finding out that she knew his secret before they both let go of one another. He moved from his place and stepped in beside her, leaning against the wall and looking towards his friends. "Do you want to know something?"

She had heard what he said, but now after Remus moving which made it so that Sirius was directly in her field of vision she couldn't take her eyes off him as she responded. "Okay."

He laughed and she blushed, knowing that he had caught her staring at his friend. He leaned into her and whispered, "you coming here was all he really wanted for his birthday."

 

* * *

 

 

He wasn't sure what Remus had said to her earlier in the night but quite frankly he didn't really care. Whatever it was, it had made her smile brightly at him when he approached her and offered her a sip of his drink which she gladly took. She surprised him by taking a large gulp of his fire whiskey without any trouble, the burn not even bothering her, causing him to wonder about all the things he had yet to find out about her.

She had caught him staring at her a few times, but instead of being embarrassed his heart had fluttered when her eyes lingered on his in response. He hadn't intended on it, but he'd wound up practically ignoring the rest of the attendees the whole time, his mind (and body) too focused on her. He had asked her to dance more than once and he was unable to stop the smile forming on his face every time her hand held onto his as they swayed together. He breathed in, the scent of her freshly-washed hair wafting into his nose. She smelled incredibly good and on more than one occasion he was forced to think of very unappealing things to keep his burgeoning erection at bay for fear that she, and every other party goer, would take notice of it.

It was hours later when everyone finally decided to head back to their dormitories and they both felt a desire to linger behind together. Their walk back was slow, not much was said but it was wonderful despite that fact. The silence between them was comfortable, and Sirius liked that he was able to spend time with her and not feel the need to impress her, much like he did with other girls he had tried to win over.

She had smiled more tonight than he had seen her smile in the past couple of years and he hoped that he had been the main reason for it, and he wondered if he would be able to continue making her do it.

As they reached the spot dividing the boys' and girls' dormitories they stopped. Mira leaned against the wall and closed her eyes for a moment, the late hour and the amount of alcohol they had shared was clearly beginning to take its hold on her. He wanted to say something, to tell her that he didn't give a shit that it was his birthday and that all that mattered to him right now was that they had had an amazing night together but he was too afraid of saying it. Instead, his body decided that shoving his hands into his pockets was the better solution as he shuffled his feet against the stone floor.

Her eyes opened at the sound and she bit her lip to keep herself from smiling again. "I've had a really good time tonight."

"So have I."

When he looked at her a certain feeling washed over him which frightened him. Suddenly he thought everything between them was happening too fast. They didn't have enough time to process what was going on between them. Why, after only spending a handful of alone-time together was he feeling this strongly for her? That wasn't normal for him. Hell, it wasn't normal for anyone that he knew or heard of and he was scared that without even sharing an intimate touch that she held so much power over him. His head told him to hurry up, be quick about it and take a step back from this. He wanted to turn around and run into his room but he was held in place by some strange force as she stood up straight and took a step towards him.

"It's been a while since I've been to a proper party like that."

His body was at war with itself. Half of him was telling him to just ignore what she had just said and to leave, right bloody now and go to sleep. This is far too strange and isn't what you need right now. But the other half of him was telling him to grab her arms, shove her into the wall and hold her tight and  _just fucking_ kiss her already, mate!

Instead, he listened to neither side and let out a barely audible, "same." His voice was suddenly hoarse and as she looked down at the floor she let out a small laugh, his nervousness clearly showing through to her.

"You know..." She took another step towards him and began to reach her hand out, the action causing him to stiffing in place. Her fingers gently brushed against the fabric of his shirt and he was startled that the tiny touch caused a spark to spread beneath his chest. Her lips parted and the smallest of moans escaped through her all too plump lips. "...I haven't given you your present yet."

He swallowed and the dryness of his throat was terribly unpleasant but he didn't care in the least. His heart thudded against his chest and he finally moved his hands out from his pockets, awkwardly letting them fall to his sides. "You haven't?"

She quickly shook her head then closed her eyes, her movement too fast for her head after so much alcohol. When she opened them he let out a groan at the sight of her eyes. Her irises had grown dark, both amber and blue had disappeared and had been replaced. He blinked, once, twice, unsure if what he was seeing was reality or a trick of his drunken-ness. Looking at her again he could see that he wasn't playing tricks on himself and that her eyes, had in fact changed colour. She came ever closer and her breath hitched as she rested her full palm against his chest. "No. And I've wanted to give it to you for such a long time, Sirius."

The sound of his name upon her lips caused something in him to snap. He gripped her arms tight and did, indeed, shove her up against the wall. A small cloud of dust dispersed as her back connected to the stone and she let out a whine at the contact. They were so close now and he could feel her breath upon his face. It was warm and inviting and he wanted nothing more than to be rid of the space between them.

Her hands skimmed his sides and the light touch caused nervous laughter to come out of him. She almost smiled, the corners of her mouth turning slightly upwards as she moved her hands to his chest and continued climbing. She stopped as she reached his face. Her eyes fell to his mouth and the back of her fingers ran along his jaw. In his panic deciding what to wear tonight he had forgotten to shave and the small amount of stubble caused friction as her fingers caressed it. Finally, her hands shifted to the back of his neck and she gently squeezed when her gaze darted back to his. He stilled, realizing what she was about to do as she shifted and rose to her tip toes. She gave him one more tentative look before she closed the gap between them.

The world exploded behind his eyes and the feel of her lips moving sinuously against his was almost too much for him. She tasted like fire whisky and cake frosting and for the life of him he couldn't think of any other flavour he wanted more. It took a moment before he came to his senses and moved his mouth against hers in return. He let out a loud groan at finally achieving what he had wanted to do for such a long time and his hands slid around her back, pulling her body into his to keep her in place. On instinct his hips ground into hers, the feel of her body flush with his now too-tight pants just about too much to take.

Their kisses lasted for minutes, maybe, he couldn't be sure but by the time they pulled back both were out of breath and in desperate need of air. She rested her forehead against his and moved her hands from his neck to grip his arms. As she gathered her breath she closed her eyes. "What are you doing to me, Sirius Black?"

She let go of him and pulled back, stepping out of his embrace and began walking towards the set of stairs leading up to the girls' dormitory before she turned back to face him. "Happy Birthday."


	8. Chapter 8

She had had the most wonderful sleep. She couldn't remember the last time she woke up feeling so well-rested. As she glanced at the clock she was surprised to realize that it was still relatively early for a Sunday morning but she couldn't care less as she leapt out of bed and practically skipped into the shower. For once the heat of the water wasn't needed to un-tense her muscles. She hadn't tossed and turned during the night. She hadn't woken up countless times for no apparent reason. And most importantly, she hadn't dreamed about  _that_. She sighed in contentment as she let the warmth run over her body before getting down to proper business and washing her hair. She felt the residue of hairspray wash away, down her back and into the drain.

As the last of her conditioner dispersed from her frame she turned, allowing the water to trickle over her face and she closed her eyes. Images from the night before came to her in brief flashes: the party. Remus' friendly smile. Firewhisky. Dancing. Lots of dancing. Fingertips skimming along her own, clinging to each other.  _The feel of Sirius' lips upon hers_. _  
_

Her breath hitched and she could almost _taste_  him against her mouth. Her tongue jutted out and thoroughly slid over her bottom lip, wanting to savour the memory. She reached her hands up and ran them over her face, sliding them down and around to the back of her neck before blindly reaching forward and turning off the tap.  _The way that his arms felt around her as he pressed his hips into hers. The feel of his erection pressing into her making her want to just_  -

She ripped the shower curtain open and quickly stepped out, reaching for a towel. When she thought about it, she was a bit shocked at herself for being the one to initiate the kiss the night before. She had thought previously, but only momentarily, about kissing him on his birthday but the idea was fleeting and she had decided that it was a silly thought anyways. So what had made her do it?

She knew, of course, exactly what it was that had forced her body to complete such a rash action. The alcohol had made her more uninhibited. She let the walls within her mind down, those same walls that she often had to try extremely hard to keep upright had quickly fallen and she allowed herself to see within his mind. For that tiny moment she could see exactly what he was thinking and when she realized that his thoughts were parallel to hers, her body made her mind up for her.

When she was younger she had no idea what was happening to her. She could hear voices but she could not distinguish where or who they were coming from. It frightened her. She didn't know what she was doing and couldn't control it.

She told her father that at the tender age of 6 that she thought she was quite possibly going mad. He laughed at her and in that moment she could hear him speak without his mouth moving. " _You're not mad, sweetheart."_

_"I'm not?"_

_He continued to look her in the eye, his own slightly crinkled from smiling, and confirmed that no, she wasn't mad. She was a Legilimens._

From that point forward she read every book, every article that she could get her hands on to find out what exactly that meant, what she could do, and how she could control it. Gaius and Valeria Gray were extremely understanding when it came to their daughter's curiosity. They explained to her that it ran in the family. A grandmother on her Mother's side and an aunt on her Father's side were also Legilimens and it was nothing to be ashamed of. It was a gift, they said, and she was extremely lucky to be awarded such a thing.

She was grateful, incredibly grateful that they were so supportive of her. She had been worried that something was wrong with her. That she would be in trouble. But instead they were open, honest, and their response and attitude towards her talents proved to her that she had the best parents in the world. They nurtured it and in time she became exceedingly good at it and for their help she was eternally thankful.

They did, however, make her promise that she would not use what she could do to take advantage of people - something that she very much took to heart. She knew that she could easily use it to benefit herself but to the best of her memory she never had. Not many people even knew about it. Her friend Ruth, her family, and of course, Dumbledore knew but she had purposefully neglected to tell anyone else.

Although, that's not exactly true. She had told Evan once, one night when it was late and they were confessing their deepest, darkest secrets. In retrospect she often wished she could take her admission back from him, however, as his knowledge of it was part of the reason that their relationship had ended. He knew, and he tried to exploit her because of it. She couldn't allow him to do that, though. She knew better. But apparently he had missed he memo on what is right and what is wrong.

_"He thinks you would be very useful."_

_She furrowed her brows and ran her fingers through her hair, having to pause for the briefest of moments as her fingers got caught in a small tangle. "Who does?" She looked up at him after a few seconds when he paid her no response. "Evan?"_

_He had a very serious look on his face, the same look that she had seen countless times while he was whispering strange and very secretive things amongst his friends. He held his hand out and waited for her to intertwine her fingers with his. He forced a smile, "come on, love. I'll show you."_ Her experience had made her very reluctant to divulge her secret to anyone else. She had opened herself up to him thinking that she could trust him. That he loved her.

Well, it's not that, even now, looking back on it she thought that he had been lying to her when he told her he loved her. The memory still lingered of the times when he would hold her in his arms as they wrapped themselves underneath his blanket, the warmth of the material combined with the heat of their bodies cocooning her in bliss. She was deeply naive about the world and peoples' motivations and the same could be said for him. He was too young and too easily manipulated. But regardless, she couldn't shake her belief that if you truly love someone you would never do to them what he did to her. Whether terribly misguided or not.

Love is always stronger.

At least that's what she used to believe. What she still wanted to belief. But he'd made it hard for her. He had blindsided her and made her feel incredibly stupid. Ridiculous. Ashamed of who she was, what she was, and what she was capable of.

Most importantly he'd made her doubt love. He'd made her fearful of delving into another relationship. He was the sole reason that she had never said "yes" when another boy had asked her on a date. He was the reason she just about shut down emotionally and the reason why everyone thought she was so  _weird_.

Up until now she had let her anger, resentment, and her plethora of other feelings towards him and what happened consume her and during Sirius' party she had come to the realization that by doing so she was letting him win. She had had an epiphany, something clicked inside her head when she turned to look at Sirius Black's beautiful face as he was laughing manically with his friends and she decided that she didn't want to be the sad girl anymore. She didn't want to be tied down by something that happened to her when she was younger. She saw this boy - no,  _man_  now for what he was and who he could be to her and she hoped that maybe this time it would be different.

When she saw the images floating around in his mind as they were standing in the corridor it had excited her. She finally realized everything that she was allowing herself to miss, and she knew he wanted it too. He wanted those things with  _her_  and she wanted to reach out and take it.  _Just one tiny shift inward, just put your hands here, no, not on his arms, that's weird, on his neck, that's good. Oh god, I can feel it rubbing against me, dammit, Mira, just fucking do it. Take that stupid, insignificant leap and kiss the shit out of him._

So she did. And it was terrifying.

But invigorating.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a long time since Sirius Black had pouted about anything. Everything was always easy for him, almost too-perfect. It was well-known that one could count on their hand the number of times he had pouted since the beginning of his Hogwarts career. The number of times he had grinned or burst out laughing during the middle of class, however? No chance in hell. But the number of pouts?

Despite that fact, if you had looked at him during this particular moment, the moment when James picked an outfit for Slughorn's Halloween party, you would have been given the rare opportunity of seeing Sirius Black displaying a full-on pout with the added bonus of a smoldering glare.

He had been too distracted by what had happened between him and Mira on his birthday to remember that James had managed to snag himself a date with her. A platonic one, in truth, but regardless,  _he_ was going to Slughorn's party with  _her_. It didn't matter that James only wanted to go so that he could spend some quality time with a girl named Lily Evans, and it definitely didn't matter that she only agreed to take him because she knew just how  _fucking desperate_  James was getting, he still hated it. He was still jealous.

He'd listened to James rattle on for what felt like hours about how he was going to finally make Lily agree to go out with him and it was about to drive him insane. But rather than whip out his wand and hex one of his best mates to death as he watched him fix his hair in front of the washroom mirror, he leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes as his hand roamed over his forehead then into his hair. A disgruntled sigh escaped through his lips which drew the attention of Remus who had been reading a book and sitting against Sirius' headboard.

"You know she'd rather go with you."

 _Of course I know that_. That point was obvious, so long as the way that she had looked at him just before she connected their lips had meant anything. It had to, though. No one had ever kissed him like that. At least, no one had ever made him feel that way when they kissed him before. The way her mouth felt as it moved along his made his chest constrict and his heart beat quick against the suddenly overwhelming feeling of being crushed.

It was strange, really, when he thought about all of the rapid changes to his body that Mira caused him to experience, it sounded incredibly unpleasant but in reality it was a tantalizing rush and every second he was free of the feeling he desperately wanted to experience it again.

"I know, Moony... thanks." He turned his head to the side and looked up at his friend. The full moon had happened only two days before, on a Thursday, and he was looking particularly ragged. Not as much as he had earlier in the day, thank fuck, but he still looked a little worse for wear. Thinking about what Remus had to go through every month still, almost always, made him feel ill, so he was incredibly grateful that they'd been able to sneak out again the other night in the hopes of making it easier on him. And it had, but only relatively, when you consider that he still has to turn into a werewolf every 28 days. But it beats being alone.

He smiled gently and touched his finger to the cover of Remus' book. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged, the motion clearly causing pain to disperse across his back. "Alright. More interested in how you're gonna handle being stuck in here with me while he's at a party with your girlfriend."

Sirius bit his bottom lip to keep a smile from spreading across his face. "She's not my girlfriend, but -"

"TADA!"

James burst back into the room, flailing his arms around in all of his glory, a huge grin plastered onto his face. "How do I look? Do you think Lily will like it? I think so. At least I hope she will. What if she doesn't?!"

Despite his grumpy mood Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "Christ, Prongs, relax a little. This is supposed to be a party, remember? You're meant to have a good time."

After ten more minutes of encouraging words and advice on how they thought best to woo a certain Miss Evans, plus maybe a little bit of a preemptive shot fire whisky, a tiny knock found its way against the door frame.

Three sets of eyes simultaneously turned their gazes towards the door and took in the site of Mira, clad in a tight, form-fitting dress that in Sirius' opinion, was jaw-dropping. "Hi."

His breath caught in his throat and for the first time it seemed to him that Mira's appearance had struck his friends in the same way that it always did him. His body lurched himself forward before his mind was ready, causing him to almost misstep on his way towards her. She held back a giggle and the sound was absolutely delectable. "Hi."

They hadn't had a chance to talk about what had happened between them. It had been a full week but it seemed every professor in the school was keen on keeping them incredibly busy which had negated any possible time to get together. He had wanted to speak to her about it straight away the Sunday afterwards but from the glances they shared in the Great Hall the next afternoon it appeared that too much alcohol had made their bodies want nothing more than water, food and sleep. And he wasn't sure about her but he most definitely did not want their second kiss to include the possible chance of vomiting on ones shoes.

She stared at him for a moment, her eyes falling to his lips, before pulling her gaze away from him and stepping into the room towards her date. "You look really nice, James."

"Are you sure?"

She reached forward and placed her fingers onto his collar, adjusting it to perfection, an act that did not go unnoticed by Sirius who suddenly wished he was also wearing a dress shirt. "Of course I'm sure. You look great, honestly." He smiled brightly at her before taking a quick glance at Sirius who was in the midst of swiping his tongue over his lips while his eyes roamed Mira's body. James wanted to laugh, he really did, but he knew very well what it was like to lust after a girl. "I'll bring her back in one piece."

His words seemed to bring Sirius back from his concentrated state where he forced a nod and he allowed a small smile to cross his lips. "Alright."

Remus, sensing that his friend wanted to have a minute alone with Mira, reached for James' arm and began pulling him towards the door and out into the hallway, but not before quietly closing the door behind them.

A laugh slipped through Sirius' lips as he turned to face Mira who was leaning against a bedpost. "They're not exactly subtle, are they?"

He shook his head and took a step towards her, his hand reaching out and brushing against her arm, sliding upwards until he stopped when he palmed her cheek. "Not exactly." His thumb ghosted over her lips and he felt her suck in a breath at his touch. His eyes darted around every inch of her face and the thought came to mind that he had been an idiot to have let a whole week pass without kissing her sober.

"Can I see you later?"

She licked her lips and the tip of her tongue collided with him thumb, forcing a moan to emit from in between his lips. Her eyes became hooded and she nodded as her hand grabbed his wrist, removing it from her face and intertwining her fingers with his own. "Yes."

He wanted to kiss her, he desperately did, and he was nearly certain that she wanted to kiss him too but he was well-aware of what this night meant to James and he knew for a fact that if he started to kiss her now he wouldn't be able to stop. So instead, he took a tiny step back and tried his best to relax as she quickly said goodbye and headed out the door, promising to come find him once she was finished with her "date."


	9. Chapter 9

She had been there only ten minutes before she spotted him. He was hard to miss, really, what with having certain features very similar to those of his older brother. With only a year in between them, both boys' faces had began to mature around the same time, making it slightly more difficult to distinguish which was the elder of the two. But she knew.

This wasn't the first time that she had run into Regulus Black. Around the same time that Evan started to have secret meetings with his friends Regulus had been there too. She had seen him spending time with her boyfriend on more than one occasion. They'd never really said much more to each other than a polite 'hello' in greeting but he had been there when Evan brought her to that place. He had been there when  _that_  happened and she wasn't likely to forget the face of the younger Black anytime soon.

And considering the look that he gave her as she walked across the room with James Potter she was certain that he had remembered who she was as well.

She tried to avoid him. Hell, she generally tried to avoid everyone who had witnessed what had happened to her but as soon as James spotted Lily walking through the door, chatting with someone she didn't recognize alongside Professor Slughorn, he'd abandoned her and she'd been left completely vulnerable. While she very much understood his reasoning for ditching her as soon as possible, she still didn't like that it meant she had to spend time alone at a party she never even wanted to come to in the first place. The only reason she agreed to go was to do a favour for James. To impress Sirius.

She looked back towards James, a bright smile plastered across his face as he animatedly talked to Lily and she couldn't help but allow a small smile to tug on her lips. It was sweet, really, that he had wanted to be with her for such a long time and hadn't given up. Most boys would have moved on by now but on their walk from the common room to the party, James had confessed to her that he knew there was something special about Lily Evans and he didn't want to let that go. He had to try. "And anyways, I think she's coming around. She hasn't even tried to curse me in weeks!"

She laughed, "you're so cute, James, I'm sure she'll say yes this go-around."

She walked over to a table that had multiple beverages on display, looking for something to distract her, something that might make her look busy. She grabbed a glass and poured something she hoped was  _just_  punch and took a sip.

"Mira."

She swallowed hard, the liquid somehow hurting her throat and she coughed before placing her glass down and turning around, eyes finding the face of Regulus. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hide the fact that she desperately wanted to leave despite the fact that this was a party, it was supposed to be fun. But she couldn't have fun when all she could think about was getting the fuck out and finding the one person she actually wanted to spend her Saturday night with.

"Hi."

Her voice came out as weak and tentative, much to her dismay. She didn't want him to know how much what had happened to her had changed her life. She didn't want to let him and the other death eaters win.  _God_ , she thought. If she didn't want him to know all of those things then she should have tried to perk the hell up for the past year and a half. She'd made it too easy for everyone to see.

Why did he have to talk to her? Why couldn't he just leave her alone?

His eyes skimmed over her form before landing back on her face. "You look nice."

Her mouth fell open. "Excuse me?"

He furrowed his brows, not understanding the reasoning behind her question, but she didn't give him time to ask for clarification. She took a step inwards and poked her finger on his chest. "The last time we talked to one another we were in a very different situation." He began to shake his head as if to dismiss it but she wouldn't let him, "no, don't even. You and I both know what happened that night and what it's done to me and you actually have the nerve to act like nothing even went on. I 'look nice'? What the fuck, Regulus... you could've helped me, but you didn't. You just stood there. You just stood there and fucking  _watched_."

She hadn't felt this angry about what happened to her in months and she was surprising herself with allowing it to come out this way. And by the look on his face, Regulus was surprised too.

"I..." His face contorted, he was caught off guard by her attitude, it was very unlike her, and he shifted on both feet before jamming one of his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry, I just... Look. That wasn't supposed to happen."

"Oh, okay, sure. So what happened to me was some big freak accident, right? A little slip of the wand and oops, the fucking Dark Lord is there and look at what he's accidentally doing to Mira. oh well, accidents happen."

He shushed her, removing his pocketed hand and he grabbed her arm, pulling her towards a quieter corner. "God, don't - everyone will hear you."

"Right. Because no one here knows you're a death eater, yeah?"

"Shit, Mira, when did you get so talkative?"

She laughed. She wasn't sure why but for some reason what he'd said actually made her giggle. He was right. She didn't know when or why she was suddenly vomiting up all of the words she'd neglected to say to anyone since that terrible night. She'd bottled everything inside of her and now it was desperate and bursting to get out.

She felt like punching him, even though she'd never punched anyone in her life. But at the same time she felt like crying. She was so, so tired of feeling helpless and lost in the deep and dark pool of depression and anxiety that what happened to her had thrown her into. She was tired of being sad, she was tired of being scared and anxious all the time, she was tired of being so goddamn tired, and she just wanted to break free of it, and she was extraordinarily frustrated that seeing Regulus left her feeling as small and as insignificant as she had a few months before.

She'd been working so hard, too.

"You have no idea what that night did to me."

There was a long pause, neither of them quite sure what to say. The beat of the music pumping behind them suddenly seemed odd, like it shouldn't be there. This was a private moment and why was that stupid music interrupting it?

"Look, he just... everyone was interested in you. He told us what you can do. The Dark Lord was impressed with everything he'd said." She scoffed at his remark and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I wish I'd never told him."

"He misses you, you know."

She shook her head and held out her arm, "no he doesn't. We've been done for a long time."

He frowned, "He does - he didn't mean for it to happen."

"I don't care."

Neither of them were sure of what to do now. Regulus had sort of tried to apologize but she didn't want to hear it and more importantly, she didn't want to hear about the boy who hurt her in more ways than one. "He doesn't mean anything to me anymore."

He smirked, and suddenly she wished she had stopped at her line about not caring. "Right, because you're seeing my brother now, at least that's what the rumours are saying. How's that going, by the way? You know he's a real keeper, what with having no money to his name and squatting at a friend's house. Fine match. A half-blood and a blood traitor."

The sound reverberated through the room and all eyes fell to the two of them. Regulus' eyes widened as his hand shot up to touch his quickly reddening cheek. From the opposite corner of the room James yelled out an excited "Merlin!" before he darted towards Mira who was currently shaking out her throbbing hand.

James grasped her shoulder and eyed her hand, "shit, Mira!" His eyes darted from her to Regulus and back again, "what'd he-"

She shook her head, cutting him off and signalling that she didn't want to talk about. She felt everyone's eyes on her and she could hear them whispering. She was quickly becoming drastically uncomfortable with all of the attention. "Look, James, I'm gonna go, okay? But just... stay. Talk to Lily, alright? You're right, she really is coming 'round on you." He nodded and stepped back before shooting a very un-James-like menacing look towards his best friend's younger brother, which she greatly appreciated, before she dashed towards the door and down the hall, headed towards the Gryffindor common room.

 

* * *

 

 

He had been so incredibly bored.

Remus had previously promised to spend the evening with him but another Prefect had gotten sick and they suddenly needed Remus to cover for him. Sirius had initially urged him not to go. "Please, mate. You're still sick yourself."

"I'm fine, Pads, honestly. And besides, no one else can. It's just a few hours, I'll be alright."

Remus had apologized profusely, feeling bad about leaving his friend alone when his sort-of-girlfriend was out with his best mate, but he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Sirius had told him that it was alright, that he'd figure out some way to pass the time but the only thing that came to mind was staring at the ceiling of his bed while he waited for a certain someone to come back to the dorm.

He sighed and touched his hand to the waistband of his jeans. One thought he had been going back to throughout the night was that Mira had promised to check in with him after the party was over. He couldn't get certain images out of his head and he'd been standing at half-mast under his jeans for the better part of an hour just thinking about it.

Now that was something he hadn't done today, maybe he could close the door and just quickly-

"So I've done something bad."

He shot up and whipped his head towards the door, the sound of her voice startling him. "Jesus Christ."

She laughed and her hands touched to cover her lips, trying to stop. "I'm so sorry, did I scare you?" She didn't wait for his answer before she stepped into the room, still giggling as she took a seat at the end of his bed. She leaned forward and took her shoes off, falling to the floor with a clunk as she did so before turning her gaze back to him. "Hi."

"Hey."

He shifted in place on the bed, stealing a glance downward to make sure that he wasn't visible through his jeans as he cleared his throat. "Did you have a good time with James?"

She smiled slightly and licked her lips, the wetness of it all distracting him. "I'm not really sure I would count what just happened as a night out with him. As soon as Lily came in he left me all by myself."

"Yeah well, he's always been a poor date."

She laughed, "Oh, so I'm not just the first girl he's taken out before he found something better, then?"

Sirius grinned in return, "you're on a list of many... but I wouldn't say Lily's better than you, though."

She paused and stared at him with a look on her face like maybe she didn't believe him, but then she shook her head and her expression turned to more of a neutral one. "How was yours?"

"Less interesting than yours if I'm being honest. And come on, tell Sirius about the bad thing you did."

Mira fidgeted with her hands in her lap, twisting a ring around on her index finger before swallowing. "I saw your brother there." Sirius raised his brows but said nothing in response, choosing to wait for her to continue on her own. "We talked, and I may have... hit him. Sort of."

He laughed loudly at the imagine that came to mind as he ran his hands through his hair, pushing it back from his face and behind his ears. "You hit Regulus?! God, Mira. Why?"

Her hand smacked against his comforter and she let out a huff, the action making him suddenly realize that angry Mira was strangely endearing, "he was mean! He called me a half-blood and you a blood-traitor and it made me mad so I just kind of, maybe, hit him. Stop laughing, Sirius!"

His hands flew over his mouth in an attempt to make him stop but deep chuckles still emitted through his palms. "Sorry, I'm sorry, but I really wish I could've seen you do that, that sounds amazing. You slapped my brother. Is that how you always introduce yourself to new people?"

She had been giggling along with him but after he spoke she abruptly stopped, making him wonder why his joking question seemed unwelcome to her. She shook her head, "I've met him before. A couple of times. And before you ask it was when I was with Evan, and they're both, you know. They're part of  _that_  together and he was there when..." She trailed off, and Sirius could clearly see that she didn't want to talk about it with him.

"It's okay, I won't push it." He got on his knees and moved on the bed, going closer to her as he reached out and touched his fingertips to her arm. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, we don't have to talk about it."

She breathed deeply and forced a twinge of a smile on her face. "You remember when we were at Hogsmeade and I told you that I want you to be the person that knows what happened to me to make me the way that I am?" He nodded. "Regulus knows what it is. And I really do want to tell you, I do, just not tonight, please."

"Okay."

"I just didn't expect to see him there and it threw me off because I've been trying so hard to move on and not think about it and I was having an alright time, especially because I knew I was gonna come back here to see you afterwards and I haven't been able to see you outside of classes all damn week even though I really wanted to and then he was there and he came up to me and reminded me of everything and I just got so mad, I couldn't help it. And I hit him and to be honest it felt really good because he deserved it. I should've hit him sooner."

He wanted to be pleased with her eagerness to see him and he wanted to laugh at her last comment but everything she'd said before made him question a lot of things. Even though him and Regulus hadn't been close in a long time, especially after he ran away and moved in with James' family, his little brother had always come to him on occasion to talk about things. He could even recall a time during the last school year when he had. He'd given him updates about home, he'd told him his plans with Voldemort, Sirius had tried to talk him out of it, saying that he was better than that but of course he didn't listen. They'd talked about girls they fancied, how their school years were going, but not once had Regulus hinted that he knew something about that quiet girl who seemed so sad all the time. He was mad and confused and extremely curious as to what went on and to the reasons why Regulus was apparently fully aware of what had happened to her while Sirius was still left in the dark.

She looked at him and furrowed her brows. "I just wanted this night to go well. But instead I hit your brother and now I'm rambling about it and this isn't going like I wanted it to at all, I should stop talking before I embarrass myself more." She smiled a bit at that and his mood lightened a little while he tried his best to push his questions about what happened to her to the side.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's fine. Hell, I'm pretty sure that's the most you've ever talked in one sitting with me."

She smirked and touched her finger to his knee, "you're a smartass."

He scooted even closer to her and leaned forward, "maybe. But I think you should tell me what you really wanted to do tonight instead of insulting me."

She breathed deeply and adjusted her position on the bed, bringing her legs closer to her, mindful of her dress, while her back rested against the bedpost. "Is that what you want?"

He nodded. "Please."

Her cheeks flushed slightly and it made him feel a pulse at the bottom of his stomach. He had been excited before they'd started talking and apparently his body's eagerness hadn't fully subsided. He moved for a third time so their legs were now touching, the contact eliciting the thought of  _moremoremore_  inside of him and he reached forward with his left hand, allowing it to graze her cheek.

She turned her head into the touch and locked eyes with him, a sound emitting from between his lips as he envisioned her looking at him like that while performing a far more dirty task than this.

His little moan seemed to make her a bit more bold and she surprised him with her answer. "All I've wanted all night was to have you kiss me again. What happened on your birthday I can't - I can't stop thinking about it."

The pulse in his core stirred forever quicker and he leaned into her, his mouth inches from hers. "You want me to kiss you?"

Her right hand covered his own on her cheek and she licked her lips once more, his eyes unsure of where to look, her chest was rising and falling at a more rapid pace but his mouth and teeth wanted to bite down on her bottom lip. "Sirius, please, just -"

He didn't let her finish as he pressed their lips together. A week was far too long to wait in between kissing her and he shifted his hands, pulling her more flush against him. A whine escaped her lips at the contact and he grew harder beneath his jeans. They were too close for him to hide it from her and a spike of arousal shot through him as she pressed her hips against his. "Mira."

A cough came from the doorway and she quickly pulled away from him, sitting fully upright and adjusting her dress to a more appropriate state. "Uh, sorry Pads, I just um, I just finished detention and uh, yeah... Do you want me to leave?"

'Yes!' was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't get a chance to say it before Mira stood up and interjected "no, it's fine, Peter" instead.

"I should um, I should get going anyways."

Sirius leapt up from the bed and followed her to the door. Pulling her back before she could exit. "Hey, hold on."

She smiled and looked up at him, "sorry. I shouldn't have..." She raised her hands and placed them onto his chest. "Look, I just, I clearly have some things that I need to work through and I don't want to move too fast."

"Okay."

She paused and swallowed before continuing, "I like you." She rose to her tip toes and kissed him, the feeling of her lips causing a knee-jerk reaction as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as his hands slipped down to her ass.

She giggled and pulled away, "goodnight. Goodnight, Peter."

She waved goodbye to both of them before slipping out of the door, the small echo of Wormtail's goodbye following after her. "Uh yeah. Goodnight."

As soon as she was out of sight he turned to Peter who looked partially terrified. "I'm so sorry!"


	10. Chapter 10

_The ground was so cold. She felt the concrete against her exposed skin before her eyes slowly fluttered open. Her right hand shot up to her head, and she felt wetness coat the tips of her fingers._

_It took a moment, but suddenly everything that had occurred came rushing back to her. An awful feeling in her gut rose up like bile and her lip quivered, and she knew the tears were about to come._

_"Ahh," her body ached as she tried to move but she forced herself onward. Looking around, the lights that had been previously lit were long extinguished. As she rose to her feet she wondered if there were any stragglers left over from the group that had been there, and she desperately hoped there weren't. Multiple people would be hard enough to fight against on a regular day but now... well, that just wouldn't be good._

_How could he have brought her to this place? How could he betray her like that when he said that he loved her? She trusted him. God, she felt so fucking stupid. Shouldn't she have seen it? Seen the look in his eyes when he told her to come with him? And after everything they'd been through together he didn't even have the decency to come back for her._

_The tears readily fell down her cheeks as she tried to remember the way back to the castle. "Why did you do this to me?"_

That was a question that she had often thought about. She'd racked her brain over and over and nothing made sense in the mind of a reasonable person. She had hoped that with time she would come to understand what exactly lead up to the events of that night but unfortunately, the answer had never shown itself.

As much as she would miss the friends that she had, and the stability that Hogwarts provided her, a part of her was more than eager to leave and be rid of this place. Still, despite Evan graduating, taking most of his friends with him, three times a day she has to come into the Great Hall and look upon the faces of those who remained who witnessed the brutality against her. They knew  _exactly_  what happened and they just sit there. They just sit there and eat the food that she's always felt they don't deserve to eat and take advantage of an education she felt they'd lost the right to have.

She'd tried to bury the anger for so long, but as her intermittent therapist had said, it's better to let your emotions out and r _eally_  feel them in order to move passed the traumatic event. Sometimes that's scary though. But in a letter received the previous week from her brother, he had said it best, "y _ou can't let your fear stop you from doing something that could be great_."

Which is what she is trying to do. Right now.

After the Halloween party and her run-in with Regulus she decided that she was going to make a real effort in moving forward with her life. She hated the way that she felt when she was confronted with the memory when she hadn't expected to be, and she just wanted to be able to not carry around this weight, this burden anymore. It had gotten so heavy.

So as she watched Regulus, Snape and their friends eating their dinner she took a deep breath, and looked to her right. She couldn't help it, but a smile tugged at her lips as she looked at him.

"What?"

Mira shook her head, and she knew a fond expression was on her face. "Nothing, Sirius, I just. I don't know." She shrugged and slid her hand onto his thigh and gave it a little squeeze. "I'm just in a good mood, I think."

He looked at her in a way that she couldn't read momentarily before he brushed it off and placed his hand on top of hers. "Good."

"So," the voice of Remus from across the table drew her attention away from Sirius. "Did you have a good time last night, Mira?"

"At the party, you mean? Well I -"

"I'll say she did," James sat up straight and pulled an amused smirk. "How's your hand, by the way?"

She furrowed her brows in an attempt to look disapproving but she couldn't help the laugh bubbling up her chest. "It's fine, thank you. And I had a decent time, Remus, although I must say that James is a horrid date considering he ditched me as soon as he had a chance."

James feigned hurt, "how could you say such a thing? And anyways, it's not like I'm the one who punched somebody and then stormed out."

Remus' mouth fell ajar, "you what?"

Mira cleared her throat and looked back towards Sirius whose face held a pleased expression before turning her gaze back to Remus. "I may or may not have hit Regulus."

"And it was bloody brilliant if you ask me."

She let out a nervous laugh, "well no one did ask you James but thank you for your input. And before you ask, Remus, it's not like I did it 'just because,' I did it for good reason."

"Being?"

"Well he... he came up to me and he started talking about certain things that upset me and things that I can't exactly discuss right now and then he decided that it was a good time to call me a half blood and Sirius a blood traitor."

There was a pause, and she knew it was because her companions at the table were wondering what exactly it was that Regulus had said before the insults, and in that moment she wished that she hadn't even brought that part up, but then Remus shook his head lightly and smiled, brushing the question from the table. "Well he deserved it then. I just hope your hand didn't hurt too much."

The corners of her mouth turned slightly upward, "it's fine, thank you."

The rest of the dinner conversation flowed smoothly and she was glad that she was starting to feel less and less awkward when it came to spending time with Sirius' friends. It had taken years for her to even gather the courage to have a proper conversation with him and she really wasn't looking to go through the same process with getting to know the ones he loved. Meeting new people was always hard for her, so she was extremely happy that this was turning out to be much easier than she thought. She wasn't sure if this was her coming out of her shell or if maybe this was the effect spending time with Sirius was having on her. Either way, she was grateful.

 

* * *

 

 

"Will you come for a walk with me?"

It had been a few weeks since the, "did you hear that Mira Gray hit Regulus Black?!" incident and the news of it had gotten all around the school. Regulus hadn't been pleased, which was to be expected, but it did draw a lot more attention to Mira than there had ever been before. At first, Sirius was concerned that the attention would end up bothering her; he was well-aware that previously whenever the spotlight was drawn to her Mira had a tendency to retreat, rather than revel in it. But he was surprised that the talk of her hitting abilities didn't seem to phase her at all. Even her friend Ruth had told him that she hadn't expected that kind of reaction from her, but she seemed optimistic that it signaled a change for the better in her.

Mira closed the book she had been going over and placed it down on the table. "Why not? I feel like I've been studying for hours, I deserve a break. What time is it?"

"About 9:00."

"Oh god. It actually has been hours. When I said it I assumed that I was exaggerating like I normally do, but ugh, it actually has been. Why did you let me stay in this stupid library for so long?"

He laughed and grasped her hand before guiding her towards the door. "You're the one who told me to let you study in peace for your exam tomorrow."

"Yes, but I didn't think that you'd actually listen to me."

He smirked and looked back at her over his shoulder, "then I'll try to disobey you next time."

To Sirius' delight their relationship had been progressing extremely well. While he had initially thought that Mira's desire to take things slow would be difficult for him, he was surprised that he often found he was satisfied by just spending time with her. Not that he didn't want to  _spend time_  with her, but he was content just being near her and being able to kiss her. The realization scared him slightly, because he had never gotten this kind of satisfaction from any of his previous relationships, but he quickly decided that he liked it, and he wanted to see where exactly this was going.

And anyways, he had found that the more they chatted together the more he realized just how damn interesting she was. She had all these layers that he hadn't known about previously. She was the most complex person that he had ever met and it was oddly fascinating to him. She was both shy yet strong in her opinions, self-conscious yet so clearly beautiful, smart as hell with a great sense of humour, and surprisingly stubborn; all of that in the one little package that was Mira Gray. She was unexpected, but he had grown to really appreciate her just  _being_ there.

They came to a windowsill and Mira stopped before letting go of his hand and sitting down. The snow had been falling for a while, and a carpet of white covered the grounds.

A comfortable silence fell between them and Sirius couldn't help but notice that she seemed to be a bit lost in her own head. He found she hadn't been doing that as much as she used to, but it still happened, and he wished that he could figure out everything that had been bothering her. But she hadn't come to him telling him that she was ready to divulge her secrets, and he really didn't want to push her away.

"What are you thinking of?"

She didn't answer immediately, and instead blinked slowly, keeping her eyes on the line of trees in the distance before responding. "This might sound strange to you, but whenever it first snows like this I feel a bit odd. Before the snow starts everything is so green and alive. And then it comes and everything dies. It's like the snow turns everything into nothing and it's weird because it's not actually nothing, it's all still there, it's just hidden now. And really, it's beautiful even when it's hidden. Everything being so white and pristine, so calm, like nothing's the matter. But then that melts too and before you realize it everything's not dead anymore. And I don't know. Sometimes I just think these things and I don't know why. It doesn't make much sense, really." She turned her head and looked at him, "I'm just a bit off my rocker, I think."

He touched his palm to her thigh, "no you're not."

The slightest smile appeared on her face before her expression neutralized and she opened her mouth to speak. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Of course not."

"Even if it's a bit dower?"

He rose his brows and wondered what exactly she had in mind but he shook his head, "no, you can ask me anything."

She scooted closer to him on the windowsill and brushed her hair behind her ear. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but sometimes I wonder what it's like for you, living with James, instead of your family. There are rumours, obviously, about how everything went down and why you left, but I was just wondering what made you decide to leave? I always got the feeling that maybe it was harder for you than you let on. At least at school, anyways. You always seemed so happy, even afterwards, but sometimes when I looked at you I felt like maybe you were just pretending."

His eyes widened at her words. After that day in the astronomy tower long ago he had taken a keen interest in her, and he had thought he picked up on her people-watching skills. But he'd always assumed that that was as far as it went. He never really gave much thought as to whether or not what she was really doing was  _reading_  people.

He let out a breath, "I didn't think anyone besides James, Remus and Peter could tell."

She bit her lip and gave a shrug, "well you're a good actor, then. I never heard anyone say anything otherwise, that you were anything but fine, I mean. And I never spoke to anyone about it. But I just thought..."

"No, you were completely right. As happy as I was to be living with my best mate and to be free of all of the judgment my lovely parents bestowed on me, if I'm being honest, it was a lot harder than I had expected." He looked down at his hands and fiddled with his fingers for a moment, trying to find the right words. While her curiosity about him wasn't at all unwelcome, her question had startled him, and he wanted to explain himself properly to her.

"I left because it all became too much. My family has so much hatred for anything and anyone that doesn't fall into the pureblood category, and I've never been able to agree with them. When I was younger, they would drill into my head all this shit about who was and who wasn't worthy to be my friend. They would tell me what to wear, what music I was allowed to listen to, how great it would be when I finally went to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin just like every other Black before me." He let out a frustrated laugh, "by the time I was accepted I resented them so much I practically begged to be sorted into Gryffindor, just so that I could piss them off. And then when I was, all I got was questioning eyes and more rules that I had to follow from them so that the other pureblood families wouldn't think I was "wrong." I just couldn't do it. They were trying to force me into being someone that I'm not. And the Potters could see how unhappy I was. So they offered their house and I jumped at the chance. I felt bad about leave Reg, though. But he told me he was happy there. So I didn't want to ruin that for him."

Mira reached forward and ran her right hand through his hair, stopping as her palm grazed the back of his neck. "But you still missed the approval you were never given?"

He nodded. "Isn't that sad and ironic for you?"

She tilted her head, "that's not sad. It's what everyone wants, right? Approval of the people they look up to. Even if they're jerks."

He leaned forward and closed the gap between them. The kiss was slow, there was no rush to take it further, but it made his lower abdomen flutter just the same. When he pulled back, he nibbled on her bottom lip for good measure before clearing his throat, trying to push down the heat that was rising in him. "And to answer your other question, living with James is great. I love his parents. They do their best to treat me like a second son and if I'm honest I feel like they're my real parents, biological or not. It's nice to have a family that supports me for once."

"I'm glad you have that now, Sirius. Everyone deserves that."

By the time they made their way back to the common room and up the first set of stairs most of the students had gone into bed and the fire was barely burning. Mira's fingers ran over his arm as they walked toward his room. "You know, it's a pity the stairs are enchanted on my side because I'd really like to show you my room."

He opened his mouth to make a snark retort but her fingers covered his mouth before he had a chance. "Shut it. I mean I want to show you my things, you know, my pictures, books, the stuff I have that's special to me... and then maybe eventually my bed."

His lips parted and he couldn't help the twitch that he felt in his trousers at her comment. He coughed as she took a step back from him, "your bed?"

She gave him a shove and his back hit the wooden door to his room with a small bang. "I said eventually. Or did you miss that part?"

A silence fell between them and Sirius found it difficult to put certain images of Mira in her bed, of Mira AND him in her bed, out of his mind. He swallowed and took a deep breath, "didn't miss it. I'm just looking forward to it, is all."

She smiled and took a step inward before placing a far too chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Goodnight, Sirius."

He turned the knob and opened the door before saying goodnight in return, before his thoughts immediately drifted to how he really needed to have an unceremonious wank before bed.


	11. Chapter 11

She lifted the lid off the cauldron and bent forward, peering inside. Truth be told she’d only seen felix felicis once before, the first potions class of the year, so she didn’t have much to compare it to. But so far as she could tell, it was brewing as it should be.

“How is it?”

She felt Sirius brush up against her shoulder to take a look for himself. He nodded and turned his eyes towards her, “just as I thought.”

Mira furrowed her brows, “what do you mean?”

He shrugged, “dunno. But it looks like a potion, doesn’t it?”

She bit her bottom lip to stifle the laughter that threatened to spill over, “your observation skills continuously amaze me.”

He slipped his hands around her waist, manoeuvring himself to stand behind her, as she gently placed the lid back on, careful not to knock it over, lest they lose all of the progress they’d made over the past few months. He bent down and rested his chin in the crook of her neck, giving her a squeeze.

“We can’t all just be a pretty face.” He huffed a laugh into her ear, the warmth of his breath a welcome feeling. She tilted her head, touching hers to his and she sighed in contentment.

She could barely remember the last time she’d felt this way. Mira had spent such a long while feeling miserable in her own skin, wishing that she could go back and change what had happened to her, but for the moment she felt glad that it had, for if it hadn’t she may not have ended up where she currently was; in the arms of someone that made her happy.

Such happiness that she had struggled to find since she was 15 years old.

She spun around in his grip and reached upward, placing her hands along his jaw. She smirked, “you _are_ very pretty though.” She raised herself onto her tiptoes and pecked his lips.

“Hmm.” He stopped her from pulling back, and instead he placed several more kisses against her lips. “I was thinking more… ruggedly handsome, maybe.”

She giggled and smiled wide, “Oh, I see. Is that what you want to call yourself?”

He shook his head and slowly leaned in closer, “hey, I can’t help what I am.”

His hands slid up her back as he pulled her body flush with his, his grip tight around her. Sirius kissed her slowly, and in juxtaposition to the languid movements of their mouths her heart rate steadily quickened. He pressed into her, forcing her towards the dresser until she felt the wood press into her lower back. A whine escaped her when she felt his hands beneath her ass before he bent down and lifted her up to sit on the piece of furniture.

His hands leapt to her thighs, and she breathed heavily as he slid them upward, gently guiding her legs apart so he could step closer towards her. His pelvis brushed against hers, and her mouth fell open at the contact.

Being this intimate with him, Mira felt as if she could barely think properly. All thoughts she had had previously about their school-work had slipped away without her notice, and what was left was muddled. Her bodily instincts seemed to be taking over for her, and when it came to Sirius Black it was clear that they _wanted_ something from him.

Her eyes flickered from his, down to his mouth, and back up again. She felt a surge of bravery take hold, and she touched her fingers to his belt. He looked down at her hands, and he licked his lips as he rolled his hips once more into hers.

“Mira.”

“Sirius, I want--”

The door flew open, and it smashed against the wall with a _bang!_ , the sound causing them both to jump.

“Oi, Mira!” James stepped into the room, paying no mind to the obvious tension that he had broken. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

She looked to Sirius and she struggled not to burst out laughing. The expression on his face was one of complete annoyance and while she would never tell him she thought it was quite adorable.

“Hi, James.” She hopped down from her place on the dresser and stepped back towards the cauldron, “I was just leaving, actually.”

Sirius gripped her arm, “no! you don't have to.”

A smile tugged at her lips, “it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow, alright? It's getting late anyways.”

He nodded, but it was clear to her that he was reluctant to do so, so she leaned back in and placed one more kiss on his lips as a peace offering before she turned to leave.

She really didn’t want to. What she _really_ wanted was to stay and spend the night with Sirius, but based on her lack of self-control, she doubted that would be the best idea. She’d really meant it when she’d told him that she wanted to take things slowly, and hopping into bed with him would be extraordinarily counterproductive in that regard.

As much as she wanted to.

She scurried out of the room back towards her own, and when she made it she quickly shut the door behind her, and took care to place the cauldon back onto her nightstand. She changed, and climbed into bed, drawing the curtains around before closing her eyes.

But sleep seemed to elude her. She wasn’t sure how long she spent staring up at the top of her bedframe before a thought occurred to her. She suddenly wondered if Sirius was still awake. She knew that she shouldn't, but she was curious…

She breathed deeply, and thought of him. She thought of his face, of him laying in his bed and her eyes flickered. It took only a few moments, and then she saw it.

He was thinking of _her_. He called out her name in his head, and as a small groan escaped his lips she realized what he was doing. A thrum shot to her core and she sucked in a breath, the desire to touch herself immediate.

But she shouldn’t have invaded his thoughts. She needed to back out and leave him be but the knowledge that he touched himself while he thought about her struck her curiosity. She wanted to know what made him squirm, how he envisioned her, and what kind of noises he made when he came.

But this was wrong. And as much as she wanted to witness his private moment, she pulled her mind away. She'd promised not to use her gift as anything but, and she didn't want to break that promise.

She instantly felt guilty as she came back to herself. And as she rolled into her side she decided she needed to be honest with him.

 

* * *

  


He heard a knock at the door and he quickly stood from his bed and walked towards it. Peter had gone and gotten himself detention once again, Remus had gone down to the library and James had abandoned him for Lily - but he couldn't really blame him. He'd finally made some headway with her and he wanted to test the waters.

He opened the door and it creaked as it revealed the object of his affection. “Mira?”

She bit her lip as she clasped her hands behind her back. “Hey… can I come in?”

He nodded and stepped aside, “of course!”

As she sat down on his bed his breath caught in his throat. It never ceased to amaze him just how beautiful he thought she was. Her eyes were unique and captivating but in his opinion the rest of her was as well. Her long, dark hair fell behind her to her waist, her light skin slightly flushed under the light of his room, and he couldn't help himself from staring down at her lips.

“Sirius?”

She called out to him, the sound pulling him from his reverie. “Right, sorry.” He took a seat beside her and pushed his hair behind his ear. “What are you doing here? I thought you and Ruth were studying.”

She smiled, and his heart clenched within his chest. “We did, i just cut it a bit short because.. Well, I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

A nervous prickle ran along his spine. “Oh?”

She licked her bottom lip. “Mhm. It's nothing bad, I promise.”

He sighed and scooted closer towards her. “Thank Merlin. What is it?”

Her eyes flitted between his and she swallowed. “Pick a number between one and ten.”

He was confused, wondering what this had to do with why she came over, but he obliged. “Alright. Go on and guess.”

“Nine.”

He smirked. She was right. “Lucky.”

She let out an awkward laugh. “Um, yes. Lucky… uh -- pick a number between one and five thousand.”

He tilted his head, examining her. “Okay.”

She closed her eyes for a few moments before opening them again. “Three thousand, six hundred and forty-two.”

He raised his brows, “what--”

“One more.” She reached her hands out and grabbed his. “Think of something about your parents. Anything.”

“Mira, what are you--”

“Please! Sirius.”

He nodded, and tried to think of something that he'd never shared with her before. “Okay.”

She looked nervous, and she tightened her hold on his hands before speaking. “Your mother, you have a tapestry along one of the walls at home - your parents’ home, sorry - it has a family tree. When you told her you were leaving to stay with James she burned your portrait off of it.”

His mouth fell open. How could she have known that? The only person who could have known was Regulus, and he highly doubted he would have told her about that.

“Mira?”

She looked down and released his hands, wrapping her own around herself. “I should have told you before, but I was hesitant because the last person I told was Evan and he… Nevermind, actually. I just, I'm a Legilimens, Sirius. I can read people's thoughts. I could control them if I wanted to.”

He stayed quiet, and as he watched her face her expression fell. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I should have told you from the start, it’s something you deserved to know.”

“No, no - that’s… that’s okay, really.”

She forced a smile and reached for his hand again,  “No it’s not. I realize that maybe the knowledge of knowing that I can see into your mind is disconcerting, and you had a right to know when we started dating. It wasn’t fair of me to keep that to myself. I try not to invade peoples’ thoughts but sometimes I slip but I don’t--”

“... you told Evan?”

She nodded, “other than my family, Ruth and Professor Dumbledore, he’s the only person that I’ve told.”

“Besides me.”

She huffed out a laugh, “besides you.”

He thought back to the previous conversations that they’d had together, about the fact that Evan had betrayed her so deeply that even after so long she still felt unable to talk about it. He was certain now that whatever it was that had transpired between them that it must have had something to do with her skills, and as soon as he realized that he felt terrible for her.

“Look, I promise I won’t push you to tell me more than you want to tonight, but are you saying that you told Evan that you’re a Legilimens, and that him knowing that lead to the… _thing_?”

“Mhm.”

His free hand touched her cheek. “I’m sorry.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Mira, please, don’t feel bad about not telling me, of course I understand why you’d be nervous to, after what happened last time.” He kissed her left cheek, her right cheek, and then her lips. “I hope you know that you can trust me, just like how you’ve proven that I can trust you with knowing that I’m an Animagus, and about Remus. I know you’ve never told anyone, and I promise to show you that you can trust in me too, okay?”

She released a sigh, but this time it sounded like a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

He smiled, “just… don’t hold my dirty thoughts against me, okay?”

Mira let out a loud laugh and she pursed her lips to try and contain herself, “I won’t.”

He leaned back in and pushed her hair behind her ear, “because you know, sometimes I can’t help myself.”

Her eyes flicked between his to his lips, “no?”

Sirius closed the gap between them so their lips were centimetres apart, “no. Mira, you make it so _hard_.” She swallowed a whine and the noise broke his reserve before he touched his mouth to hers. He knew that she must have been anxious to tell him about what she could do, and he wanted to quell any reservations she might still have in regard to sharing her secret with him. He wanted to show her that she could believe in him and that he’d never do anything to hurt her.

He pulled back and helped her change her position on his bed, so she laid down and he climbed over top of her. “Mira.”

She opened her legs, letting him in and as their bodies became flush with one another he groaned in contentment. He hoisted himself up onto his elbows and looked down at her, “God, you’re so--”

He lost his train of thought as she hooked her ankles on the back of his thighs, trying to pull him closer.

“I’m what?” She smirked, and he couldn’t seem to form the words to finish his thought.

“You’re -- ah!” She tilted her pelvis, brushing her hips against his, the feeling catching him off guard. “You’re -- god. You tell me.”

She looked up at him, “what?”

He swallowed hard. “Go on. Tell me what I’m thinking.”

“Sirius --”

“It’s okay. I want you to.”

She reached up and placed her hands on his neck before her expression changed. Her pupils dilated at how close they were, before she spoke quietly. “Sirius.”

He felt a bit embarrassed, knowing that she knew just _exactly_ what he was thinking, but he tried to shake it off. “Come on. I want you to tell me.”

The look on her face made him worried momentarily that maybe this was too much for her, but he was ecstatic when she answered him. “You think I’m beautiful, and you want…”

He leaned down and placed a kiss against her chest, “what do I want, Mira?”

She whined and her hands flew to the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair. “You want to fuck me.”

As soon as the words left her mouth he felt himself harden even more and he couldn’t stop himself from thrusting into her. She moaned, and he felt like he could hardly contain himself. He’d spent years wanting her, and in this moment he felt like he couldn’t stop his body from reacting to her even if he tried. “Mira.”

He looked up, and she pulled his face towards her so she could ghost her thumb over his mouth. His lips parted and she pushed her thumb inside, a movement that he did not expect from her but he found his heart rate quicken in response. She shifted, and slid her hands down his torso and to his back before finally placing them on his ass, encouraging the continuation of his thrusts.

He was embarrassingly close despite how quickly this had escalated. He choked out, “Mira, I’m sor--”

She shushed him, “no, it’s okay, I --- please, Sirius. I want you to come.”

Sirius had no intention of not listening to her, and he picked up the pace of his ruts. The friction felt so damn good and he felt precum slip out of him. He was almost there, he knew, and as he looked her in the eyes he knew there was no denying that she could see it too.

He felt her fingers shift, and she slipped her fingers beneath his jeans, the contact was cold against his skin but the feeling was more than welcome. She spread her legs further, and Sirius quickened his movements while he chased his own release.

The room was quiet beyond the sounds of their gasps, and Sirius had one foot off the ledge when Mira spoke, “come for me, Sirius.”

He obeyed, and he clutched her tightly as he slipped off the edge as his orgasm shook him. “Fuck, Mira.”

When he finally got his breathing under control he sat up and removed himself from his place on top of her. He looked at her, trying to gauge whether or not she was okay with what had just transpired, “was that too much? Do you need me to--”

She smiled, “you’re so sweet, Sirius. I promise I wanted that. And I’m alright. I enjoyed that as much as you did.” She leaned forward, placing a kiss on his cheek before she snuggled into him. He felt her warm breath on his neck, and as he placed his arm around her he felt grateful that she felt he placed her trust in him, and he hoped that he'd always be worthy of it.


End file.
